opening of a book
(VO)Once upon a time, there was a traveller on horseback who finds himself facing a swamp. And he doesn't know whether to go around or try to wade through.
(The page turns and it is at Happy Time, where George is walking down the through)The traveller asks a local boy: "Tell me, local boy. Does the swamp have a hard bottom?" And the boy tells him that it does. (she sees her desk and there is a pile of files in her in-tray) So the traveller guides his horse into the swamp and they begin to sink deeper and deeper into the muck.
He shouts to the boy: "I thought you said it has a hard bottom!" (Delores puts more files on the top) And the boy says: "It does, Mr. Traveller. You're just not there yet."
MILLIE: Today?
DELORES: Today! That's why I promoted you.
(VO) And the sinking begins.
DELORES: I noticed that you haven't signed up for the annual Happy Time retreat.
MILLIE: Right.
DELORES: The sign-up sheet is firmly taped to the microwave, Millie. Have you not seen it?
MILLIE: No, I saw the sheet, it's just that... (one colleague is play fighting with another, she thinks its more harassment and is slapping him back)
(VO) A night in the woods with these freaks scares me more than being dead.
DELORES: We only retreat once a year. That's what makes it annual.
MILLIE: Why retreat at all? Who's attacking us?
DELORES: Always the cute joke, that's your defence mechanism.
MILLIE: What?
DELORES: Sarcasm. That's how you keep people at a safe distance.
GEORGE: (VO) No, I don't.
DELORES: You do. You use humour. For others, it's aggressive body piercings and facial tattoos.
(as she talks a woman with a facial tattoo and face piercings puts some files on the desk)
MILLIE: Thanks, Skitter. I'm not trying to distance anybody.
DELORES: I mean look at your cubicle. It's as bare as a...pop star's midriff.
MILLIE: I enjoy a clutter-free workspace.
DELORES: Not a single photo of a friend or family...Makes me sad.
TODD: Hey guys! Juice barn run.
DELORES: Oh Todd ! Count me in. I can't risk another low-blood sugar episode today. Are you in, Millie?(shakes her head) oh Millie, Millie...Would it kill you to be part of the team?
MILLIE: It's just I've got so much work to do, Delores. And it's half-day for me so...
DELORES: Well half-days are one thing but half-ass commitment to your coworkers is quite another. Now, if I don't go get that Raspberry Razzmatazz, I can't be held responsible for my actions. Really. Legally!
(she is looking all around at other peoples workspace)
(VO) How could I tell Delores that it was hard to play for her team when I had already been drafted by the other side?
Transition
George and Daisy are holding up their post-its. one with Z Sugarman, 44 Spalding, ETD 1:45pm and C Sugarman 44 Spalding ETD 1:45pm)
CLUB REP: And with the new membership, we offer 2 personal training sets.
ZOE: Can we take them with this one?
CLUB REP: Diego? Of course.
ZOE: I wander if he makes house calls.
CHLOE: Use your Espaٌol.
ZOE: Nos hombres Chloe y Zoë. Mi casa, su casa Diego
DIEGO: Ladies, I'm Brazilian. I speak Portuguese.
ZOE: That doesn't make any sense.
(as they pass they brush their shoulders and take their souls)
GEORGE: Pardon me!
DAISY: Excuse me!
CHLOE: Say something in Portuguese for me.
(George and Daisy go to the salad bar)
GEORGE: Did you go to the gym when you were alive?
DAISY: I died in 1938. For exercise, we drank Slow Gins and smoked Lucky Strikes.
COUNTER GIRL: Hi! Would you like to try a Rev'N'UP bar? It's free, 15 grams of proteins, loads of fibre.(looks at the container)
GEORGE: No, thanks. Hey, what do you think of these guys?
DAISY: For what?
GEORGE: Millie's family!
DAISY: Well, they're very attractive and they look republican.
GEORGE: You think?
DAISY: Yeah, isn't that what you are?
GEORGE: No! I never voted but I'm not that! What were you?
DAISY: I was an actress.
GEORGE: Well, I like the way they look. Confident. Like winners.
(Diego is showing off to Zoë and Chloe by lifting some dumbells over his head. A graveling comes and grabs Diego's balls which makes him drop them)
GEORGE: What kind of rackets are they holding?
DAISY: Squash.
(there is a scream and a "Oh my god" from the crowd and both girls under the bar bell)
ZOE: What just happened?
DAISY: He dropped the barbell.
CHLOE: Nice going, Zoë! You just had to add an extra pin to your map, didn't you? Just had to have one more country.
ZOE: Oh really? And that's not why you nailed that Mohammed guy last week?
CHLOE: Can we change? It's something tailored?
GEORGE: I'm afraid it's casual death day. Tell me when I do that, use humour to distance myself.
DAISY: You're doing it so say something nice.
GEORGE: I'm sorry that you died.
DAISY: At least, you have each other. At least, you're together.
(looks at the health bar container that she picked up, and looks yearning at it)
Transition
at Der Waffle Haus. George, Mason, Daisy, Roxy and Rube having their breakfast
MASON: No, I don't get it.
GEORGE: Millie's parents.
ROXY: Those people are supposed to be related to you? Round robin tennis bullshit.
GEORGE: They're related to Millie, Happy Time Millie.
(close up of them)
MASON: They look like drinkers.
DAISY: They look like Catholics.
ROXY: They look like they wouldn't like me.
GEORGE: What are you trying to say about my family?
ROXY: They know what I'm trying to say.
GEORGE: I don't think I care for the implication.
ROXY: I just don't understand why you want that frosty tennis bitch to be your mom.
RUBE: This is not her family. Why are we talking about them as if they are?
ROXY: It's not just about tennis. That's all I'm saying.
RUBE: Well, they don't exist. And that's a squash racket.
MASON: Do you play squash?
GEORGE: No. I think I'd be good at it.
DAISY: Really?
GEORGE: No.
RUBE: Would you like to enlighten me as to the point of the picture?
GEORGE: Everybody else has pictures on their desks. At Happy Time. I don't. I just want Delores off my case. She says I don't fit in.
RUBE: Delores is right. It's a little late in the game to start.
GEORGE: I don't wanna fit in. I just don't wanna stand out.
(a bell rings and Kiffany comes round with a clipper)
RUBE: Okay, I'll buy that.(he gives her a ticket) Here you go.
GEORGE: I can't believe you guys fell for this Waffle Haus club crap.
RUBE: Six more punches and I get a free waffle.
MASON: (mouthful of waffle) I only got eight more to go.
ROXY: Seven! And I hate waffles.
(clipping Daisy's)
KIFFANY: Your next waffle is free.
DAISY: I've been ravenous lately. It's the whole undead metabolism thing. I don't know.
KIFFANY: Are you sure you don't want a card?
GEORGE: Thank you, Kiffany but it's really not my thing.
(VO) Whatever everyone else was doing, I always went the other way. I wasn't a joiner. Maybe that's just the way I was brought up.
(flash to when George is younger. Carolers are singing outside. Inside Joy and Clancy are the floor. George is on the floor humming to their singing)
JOY: Georgia. Georgia! Shhh! They'll hear you!
CLANCY: Sweety...(hushes her)
YOUNG GEORGE: Why do we pretend not to be here?
JOY: Because we don't want them coming back and singing every night. They'll want us top join them.
YOUNG GEORGE: Okay.(starts going towards the door)
JOY: Georgia, what are you doing? Where are you going? Georgia, get back here! Clancy!
CLANCY: Georgia, get back here or...Or there'll be no Santa Claus for you.
GEORGE: You don't scare me.
(they quickly and discreetly go to the window. George opens the door)
YOUNG GEORGE: Shut up! (still slightly singing) We want a silent night.
(start singing "Silent Night") No! Stop it! And never come back!(She slams the door)
JOY: Coast is clear.
CLANCY: Good job, sweetie.
YOUNG GEORGE: Thanks.
Transition. Happy Time. Everyone is chatting, while Millie is sitting at her desk
(VO) And it wasn't just caroling. Faced with any kind of activity, my parents went the other
way. Ran the other way. We were a group of loners. If they were options, chances are we'd opt
out. But being undead and unmotivated at the workplace, I had a lot of time on my hands to think about the "what if" of life. Like what if I hadn't dropped out of college?(spins her chair round to look at the framed picture of Millie's parents) Would I still have died? What if I had had a different family? A family that didn't always opt out. (going into a house, where it is Christmas)
GEORGE: And God blesseth everyone! (click of a camera - a ball is thrown at her)
GUY: Think fast! I'm sorry about that. I caught you off-guard. I'm Greg, the retreat facilitator.
MILLIE: I'm Millie, just Millie.
DELORES: I'm afraid, she's not with us.
GEORGE: I don't really play games. I'm not really gamy.
GREG: You know, everyone has something to contribute to the team. Don't you wanna be at one with nature and your fellow workers?
GEORGE: Nope, can't. Bed-wetter.
GREG: Oh... It's too bad.
GEORGE: I'm kidding. But I'm really not going. Really.(hands back the hat)
GREG: You know, I'm sure that this one will fit. I'm sure it's your size. Just...
GEORGE: Not really a group hat person either.
GREG: Well, you're not a lot of things, are you?
(VO) I'm not even alive so let's lose the attitude.
GREG: Alright well, you know, you have fun holding down the fort. (he leaves)
(VO)But I didn't wanna hold down the fort. The fort is for losers. The fort's a pain in the ass.
Transition.
The Lass's house. There is a "For Sale" up, which the camera hones in on. Joy is in the dining area setting out the table
JOY: Reggie! Dinner!
REGGIE: I'm coming!
JOY: Did you straighten you room?
REGGIE: Yes!
JOY: Did you put everything away?
REGGIE: Yes!
JOY: Is it spotless?
REGGIE: Spotless!
(Reggie comes downstairs, sits down at the table)
JOY: Reggie! Why are you unfolding that napkin?
REGGIE: Because I'm eating dinner?
JOY: This isn't for us. This is for the realtor and a couple she's bringing by tomorrow.
REGGIE: You're making them dinner?
JOY: I'm making it look like a dinner party. Buyers wanna see a place where they might
entertain.
REGGIE: We never entertain.
JOY: It's just for show. It's like a... It's like a serving suggestion.
REGGIE: Where's our dinner?
JOY: I got us Burger Round-Up! You and I get to do a picnic!
REGGIE: This is bullshit! Putting food on the floor doesn't make it a picnic.
JOY: Please don't swear!
REGGIE: This is how homeless people eat!
JOY: Well, I'm gonna enjoy my Round-Up with cheese whether you join me or not.
REGGIE: Not. I'm going in my room.
JOY: You're sleeping with me tonight. I already made your bed and I want it to stay that
way.
REGGIE: It's my room! You snore!
JOY: (she shouts out the stairs) I mean it, Reggie! You'd better not be messing up that bed. I mean it!(the door slams leaving Joy sitting alone)
Transition. At Der Waffle Haus. Rube having pie brought to him, he is talking to Kiffany
RUBE: Working double today? That's rough.
(George comes in and sits down)
KIFFANY: I don't mind, keeps me out of trouble. - You want a piece of cherry pie, sweetie?
GEORGE: Sure.
RUBE: Well, you ever wait tables? That's harder than digging a ditch, you should try.
You'd see what a real job is. It is a noble vocation.
KIFFANY: My dogs are barking.
GEORGE: I have a real job. I have two real jobs. So... I think I'm gonna go on the Happy Time retreat tomorrow.
RUBE: Pie is nice.
GEORGE: Did you hear me?
RUBE: When I was you age, I used to treat the crust like it was just here to hold the good stuff in. I used to leave the whole back end of it on a plate. Because I got older, I learnt to appreciate the crust.
GEORGE: To stand on the outside looking in, it's not really the best way to lay low. The more I stay out of the group, the more they notice me... That's bad.
RUBE: You'll learn that the crust and pie have too different recipes. Ultimately they co-mingle but they are very separate entities.
GEORGE: I'm saying I'm gonna go. It's... the right thing to do, okay?
RUBE: Okay, you've decided. What do you need me for?
GEORGE: I need the day off tomorrow. Can you cover for me?
RUBE: You know, George, reaping is not like some waitresses trading their shifts.(raises her eyes to the ceiling and lowers her voice)
GEORGE: The noble vocation.
RUBE: I don't need your smart mouth.
GEORGE: It's serious business.
RUBE: Serious business. I need to know where you are. You are like an E.R. doc. Do you understand that? You're on call. You're on call 24/7.
GEORGE: 365!
RUBE: I don't need you smart mouth!
GEORGE: Sorry. I changed my mind.
RUBE: I think that's wise.
GEORGE: Not about the retreat. About the pie.
RUBE: So I'll see you when I get back.(gets up from the chair)
(comes back to the counter, with a coffee pot)
KIFFANY: You want it?
RUBE: Yeah, please.
KIFFANY: More coffee?
RUBE: Please.
Transition into the kitchen of the Lass house where Reggie is sitting down
REGGIE: What are you doing?
JOY: It's for the aroma. Honey, this couple is ready to pay more than we'd even ask. So, let's put on a show here.(takes a sip of her coffee)
REGGIE: What kind of show? (the doorbell rings)
JOY: A good one. So let's smile and be friendly, make them feel welcome.
REGGIE: Why don't you just make the cookies?
JOY: Reggie, get the door! (Joy gets some flour and dabs some on her hands, apron and face. looks in the reflection of the toaster)
Transition
At a gas station. Delores is sitting in the car waiting for George to come back. the camera fast -tracks George to the car)
DELORES: Hey! Let me ask you something, Millie. Would you screw a Mustang Grill to 57 Chevy?
MILLIE: Me? No.
DELORES: Exactly! You don't mess with the classics. So when I say "get the fixings for Smores" you don't show up with Annie Hall chocolate bar. Smore is like a delicate eco-system. Graham cracker, marshmallow and the great American Hershey bar.
MILLIE: I'm sorry, I'm not a camper.
DELORES: Hey! I'm really happy you decided to join us, Millie. You just... need to get your head in the game, huh? (gets out of the car)Come on.
CHRIS: Hey! Back in the truck! Go on! Fucking mutt!
MILLIE: Oh the great outdoors! Brisk!(wets her finger and sticks it in the air)
Feel that? That's the I.Q. falling?
CHRIS: Goddamn dog! It'll just soon fuck a duck that hunt one!
GEORGE: I meant to say "go team"! Hershey bars or bust!
DELORES: Although I don't care for the cruelty to animals.
MILLIE: They're hunters. (walks up to the guys) Hershey bars?(they point around the corner)
DELORES: Nice 12 gage! Daddy had one of those.
(bumps into guy with a box of water)
MILLIE: Excuse me!
DELORES: Full choke. Is it duck hunting season already?
GUY WITH RED HAT: Yeah, whatever.
ANOTHER GUY: Weight loss drinks.
DELORES: Most hunters are morning people.
MILLIE: They have Hershey bars.
DELORES: That's what I like to hear, Millie. Let's load 'em up!
Transition
Lass House
JOY: Hi Linda! - Oh great boots!
LINDA: Thank you. Joy, these are The Cawps, Andy and Stephanie.
STEPHANIE Hi.
ANDY: Hi.
JOY: This is Reggie.(she gives a half hearted wave)
ANDY: Hello. Great place. Are you baking?
JOY: I am.
LINDA: The Cawps are very interested in this property. As you can see, they're in need of a little more space.
ANDY: Ever since she got... I mean since we got... you know... I never know exactly how to say it.
JOY: Say "since I impregnated her". Take full responsibility. Unless of course it's not yours.(uncomfortable silence)
LINDA: Just look at the period treasures that they have preserved. All of the crown moldings, the original hardware.
ANDY: Nice.
LINDA: Modern amenities as well. These are all dual pane windows.
JOY: I insisted on those for safety. I was pregnant with my daughter when we bought the house.
STEPHANIE: And I'm guessing that's you?
REGGIE: Guess again.
JOY: That was her sister.
REGGIE: George.
STEPHANIE: George?
JOY: Georgia.
STEPHANIE: Pretty name.
LINDA: This really is the perfect home for a growing family. Reggie, why don't you show the Cawps your room?
REGGIE: Do I get a commission?
JOY: Reggie!
STEPHANIE: I'd love it if you'd take us to see your room, Reggie.
(turns away and looks at Reggie and motions her to smile
REGGIE: Okay.
LINDA: Very interested.(they all go up the stairs apart from Joy)
Transition
In Der Waffle Haus. Rube is opening up his book to get the post-its
RUBE: (gives one to Mason)You.(give one to Roxy) You.
(Daisy picks up Mason's post-it) Route 9 and Gentilly Boulevard.
ROXY: Slippery pits. Biker hot spot. If you need an escort, let me know.
(Rube is making hand gestures to someone)
DAISY: You're very sweet but I can handle myself.
MASON: Well, they're bikers not vampires, Daisy.
DAISY: Don't let the blond looks deceive you, I'm a very powerful woman.
RUBE: Good for you. I'm gonna have to take a little time off today.(a carton cup is brought over, he pours the rest of his coffee in) And by little, I mean I will be back tomorrow and I trust you'll be fine without me. And by that, I mean try not to fuck up. By fuck up, of course, I mean Mason.
MASON: Your servant!
ROXY: Well... I have order to restore.
MASON: Your servant!
DAISY: First time cute, second time you have to buy me some beer.
MASON: Rube, why do you assume I'm gonna fuck up?
RUBE: (shouts back)'Cause you're a fuck up!
(Mason gets up and leaves the seats, in the process, he drops his post-it and it lands on a guy's suede shoe, that goes on the wheel of the buggy, that goes out the door)
Transition
Lass's house
LINDA: This, of course, is the perfect children's room. Plenty of space for more beds if more kids are in God's plan.
REGGIE: I don't see how God's involved. (they laugh. Linda's phone is ringing)
LINDA: I'll be right back. (on the phone) Yes? The only mold in that house is between her ears.
(there is a book on the bed, Reggie comes over to it and closes it)
STEPHANIE: Grimm's anthology. I used to be a teacher, you know.
REGGIE:I was supposed to put that away.
STEPHANIE: That's okay. Such a lightful room. Where's your sister's bedroom?
REGGIE: My mom turned it into an exercise room.
STEPHANIE: Oh... Where's your sister living now?
REGGIE: I don't know exactly.
STEPHANIE: Is she in college?
REGGIE: She's dead.
ANDY: Oh I'm so sorry.
REGGIE: It's okay, she's not like completely gone.
STEPHANIE: Because?
REGGIE: She comes back.
STEPHANIE: She comes back?
REGGIE: A lot.
(the door slams behind them)
REGGIE: That wasn't her.
(nervous laughter from both of them)
Transition
round the camp fire, the group are sitting
GREG: Okay, everybody...If you could be an animal, any animal, what animal would you choose to be? Delores! Would you like to go first?
DELORES: I'd like to go last if you wouldn't mind.
GREG: Okay, I think that'd be appropriate.
DELORES: Thanks, Greg. Millie, how about you? (everyone looks at here)
MILLIE: I think I'll go right before Delores.
GREG: Do you think that's appropriate?
(VO) Who gives a shit?
MILLIE: I really do, Greg.
TODD: Can I start?
GREG: Sure, Todd. Yeah, that'd be great.
TODD: If I were an animal, I think I would be a crab. (everyone nods in agreement)
MILLIE: - Not an animal!
DELORES: - Millie!
MILLIE: It's not, it's a crustacean.
(everyone looks at her, Delores looks disapprovingly)
MILLIE: What? At least, I'm listening. I'm sorry. A crab is an animal. It's a big furry warm-blooded beast that sleeps in cocktail sauce.
GREG: Look, Millie. This is an exercise about revealing yourself to your co-workers. And we all find things to hide behind at the office. Our cubicles, our telephones, our deadlines...
DELORES: Our sarcasm.
GREG: You know, we all find ways not to get to know the people that we rely on the most. Okay? And out here in the wild, there's no place to hide. Okay? So I think that we should all try to get to know Todd the crab.
(Delores gives a little woohoo! Millie snorts)
(VO)I bet Todd has crabs.
GREG: Todd, please.
TODD: I always feel as if I'm moving sideways.
(George looks shocked)
Transition
Mason returns to Der Waffle Haus
MASON: Mother fucking real fucked! Viciously fucked! Bollocking bastard hell! I'm officiously fucked.
(a woman is walking towards him)
MASON: Why not you, darling? Unless, of course, you're interested in which case you could...
(she sticks her finger up at him)
MASON: No? Well, piss off! Fuck off! Oh Jesus Christ! Oh Bollock!
(sees Kiffany and runs towards her) Kiffany! Kiffany! Kiffany! Kiffany! Listen. Have you found a little post-it? You know, yellow, the writing on.
KIFFANY: Like the kind you people always play with?
MASON: - Yes, exactly!
KIFFANY: - No. Is this one particularly important?
MASON: I don't bollocking know! You don't know. Jesus Christ! I'm fucked!
(goes over to the table that they were sitting at, and looks under the table, there is a couple there)
MASON: Move! (he moves the waitress out the way) Shit! Bollock! Fucking Bollock!
(starts chatting to the couple) Okay, that's it. I'm fucking fucked. I'm Bollockly viciously fucked. Royally fucked I am.
Transition
Daisy at the biker club
(tucks her post-it into her boot)
DAISY: Wow! That is so interesting. I just assumed all those stories about degrading initiation rituals were true.
Biker: No one has to kill anyone to get in the Bold Eagles. We figured the right members come up at the right time. Treech became one after someone had read a poem he wrote in the biker mag.
Biker 2: (bald head): Open verse for the open road.
(they all "Cheers" and clink their pints together)
DAISY: I do love a real man of letters. So why are you guys called the Bold Eagles?
TINY: We don't wear helmets. Fucks with our hair. I just think a man should choose how close to death he wants to live.
DAISY: Closer than you think, Tiny. (touches his hand and takes his soul)
(Mason comes rushing over, Tiny automatically stands up and the bar top covers his eyes)
MASON: Daisy! Daisy! I need your help now! (one of the bikers grabs Mason's shoulder)
TINY: You want to...You want to take your hands off the lady? (he gives a nervous laugh)
I'm in trouble!
Daisy:(to Tiny)This is Mason. He's okay but he's just not very well brought up is all.
MASON:(whisper) No, I'm not.
TINY: The only thing we hate more than bad manners is a goddamned fascist helmet law.
BIKER: Bare heads 'till we're dead!
TINY: 'Till we're dead!
MASON: Better dead than not! (takes a swig of beer whispers to Daisy)I lost my post-it.
DAISY: Have a nice ride, fellows. Gotta go!
(protests from the bikers. They leave)
DAISY: - Some loyal group of people.
MASON: - So dangerous.
(Tiny is watching them leave. A motorbike starts up and the biker loses control of the bike, that smashes into the window, that runs into Tiny - we hear the crunching noise. Mason and Daisy walk back to the bar)
BIKER: Tiny!
MASON: Motorcycles, they're dangerous.
DAISY: Well, a helmet wouldn't have helped. Tiny made a big mess.
(Daisy and Mason go in, they are stepping on the glass as they enter)
Transition
A hat that says "Get out there", the camera goes down the line, Delores is listening attentively, George is not
FRANK: And I moved here from Albany when she broke off the engagement. 3000 miles down
the road and I still can't get her out of my mind!
SALLY: No. We were never engaged! Frank...
FRANK: We were totally engaged - I gave you my mother's ring!
SALLY: So?
GREG: Okay, huh... Frank! Frank! Frank! Frank! Sally...Please! Right, right.
FRANK: Anyways, that's why I feel like a leopard.
MILLIE: Because you're stalking her?
FRANK: Because I can't change my spots!
GREG: Okay, Millie. I think it's your turn.
GEORGE: I... No. I'm... I just... I... (everyone staring at her)I don't really... I'm not an animal.
(Delores shakes her head)
(VO) This was starting to feel familiar. Staying on the side lines,
criticizing, clinging to the fringes instead of jumping into the fray. It was like watching the escalator run. When would I step on?
GREG: Okay, Delores, well, I guess that... just leaves you! Bring us home!
DELORES: Well... I always thought...
MILLIE: I'm a cat. I mean... not like a house cat, not like Murray, Delores. I'm a stray.
Wanders the streets alone. Kinda distant and mean. Not a cat you'd wanna pet or bring home to your kids. You just don't know where those claws are, you know. And I'm a black cat. And I have many, many lives. (She turns round and Rube is standing behind her) And now you know who I am.
(Delores smiles)
Transition
The door handle is moving, and from behind the door, voices
MASON: You think Rube would have a better lock.(Mason gets up from his knees as Daisy walks into the room, She looks around the room)
DAISY: Wow! Colour me impressed!
(Mason closes the door behind him)
MASON: He writes the information on our post-its. He has to copy it down from somewhere, right?
DAISY: Yeah, but where?
MASON: I check the liquor cabinet, you check everywhere else.
DAISY: Mason, no, this is a covert operation. We need to thread gently and cover our tracks.
(he is already into the alcohol, takes a deep breath in of it)
MASON: Old farts like Rube always have the best booze. They've been drinking long enough not to mess around with the cheap shit.
DAISY: How is that helping?
MASON: Takes off the edge. I'm on edges right now, alright?
DAISY: Mason, if he finds out, we've been rummaging around in here...Put that down!
(he takes another sip, she tries to take the glass off him) Put it down! Put that down!
- Okay.(she fixes her hair)
MASON: This was your idea, Daisy. (fixes her hair and sees a wardrobe and walks over to
it and starts to unpick the lock)
DAISY: I once had to hide for hours in one half this size from a shrew of Mrs. Tyron Powers who was supposed to be in Palm Springs. I was forced to urinate in a eyeball glass.
MASON: What is it with you and them married ones? Forbidden food.
DAISY: That was then. And I don't know why you're treating this like happy hour.
MASON: Holy shit! So... So many of them!
DAISY: So much more of them! Pour me a drink, will you? Just one and only to warm me up.
MASON: Yeah, we'll loop our synapses up a bit, make our minds a little more... nimble.
(passes her the glass, she takes a swig)
DAISY: We'll keep looking for your post-it.
MASON: We'll keep looking! Yeah!
Transition
The post-it is blowing in the wind, it is passing some bins, it goes up in the air,
then lands on a wall where a woman picks it up, who looks panicked once she sees what is
written on it. She dashes off.
Transition
on the retreat
GEORGE: Why are you spying on me?
RUBE: I'm not.
GEORGE: I wasn't saying anything.
RUBE: I didn't say that you were.
GEORGE: Why are you here then? Why just show up all of a sudden?
RUBE: Well...What has been your experience as to why I show up all of a sudden?
GEORGE: (pained) Oh no!(he takes his hat off, it has a post it inside, she takes it)
RUBE: You know, you do have actual responsibilities in this world.
(Delores comes up)
DELORES: I know you! You're Millie's sponsor! So devoted !
RUBE: It's Delores, right?
DELORES: Right! And you're, Rube?
RUBE: I am.
DELORES: Is that a first name or a last name?
RUBE: Just Rube.
DELORES: Like Cher.
RUBE: Like Houdini.
DELORES: Love Houdini! Wouldn't it have been fun to have seen him?
(VO)Seen him? Rube probably reaped him.
DELORES: What brings you out here, Rube?
RUBE: Well, Delores, as much as I'd like to get into that with you, one of the "A" of A.A. stands for...
DELORES: You don't... wanna drink, do you Millie?
RUBE: Actually, I was referring to the other "A".
DELORES: Oh... Of course! ties her mouth up and throws away the key)
MILLIE: Delores, I think I need to go for a walk and get some fresh air.
DELORES: You're on the woods, you're surrounded by fresh air.
MILLIE: I just... wanna go for a walk. I need to... commune with the spirits of... the North West.
DELORES: You really are a cat, aren't you? Alone and mysterious. Make sure you make it
back for ghost stories and Smores.(rubs her hands together)
MILLIE: I'll try.
(grabs hold of Rube)
DELORES: You don't happen to know any ghost stories, do you?
RUBE: I heard a couple in my days.
(VO) And just as I was comfortable in the circle, death pulled me away.
Transition
Rube's apartment. Daisy and Mason are dancing and singing to the hokey cokey
DAISY and Mason: You put you left arm in, you put you left arm out, you put you
left arm in and you shake it all about! You do the hockey cokey and you turn all around.
(he swings her round, she squeals with excitement)That's what it's all about! he
DAISY: I look like a flapper. You should have seen me do the Charleston.
MASON: You are lovely!(he takes the record off, it makes a scratching noise. Starts looking in Rube's album collection) Opera, opera, jazz...(throws it) Boring, (throws another) boring, (throws another) snoring!
DAISY: I am drunk. I hate being drunk!
MASON: Funny I don't mind it. Ever. (takes another out) My goodness! You think you know
a man... Barry Manilow!(throws it on the floor)
DAISY: Play me something swinging. I wanna dance and forget all this...this stuff.(starts taking the post-it's off)
MASON:(hysterically giddy) Oh yeah because you know what? Somebody is gonna die alone today, aren't they?
DAISY: What was on your post-it, Mason?
Transition
The Lass's house
LINDA: Now, can I show you the outside storage?
STEPHANIE: I'd love to see that. Honey?
ANDY: In a second. I just wanna get a feel for the house one more time.
LINDA: Okay
(Andy comes into the front room. Reggie is on the sofa, with JD. She switches off the TV)
ANDY: So, Reggie. What were you watching?
REGGIE: Nothing.
ANDY: What did you mean when you said your sister comes back?
REGGIE: She visits us.
ANDY: And you talk to her?
REGGIE: Not like face to face.
ANDY: So she checks up on you, sees if you're okay...
REGGIE: I guess.
(a pause)
ANDY: Are you?
(pause)
REGGIE: I don't think you should move here.
ANDY: Where was her favourite spot in the house?
REGGIE: Her room, I think. She didn't really tell me things.
(Joy is listening behind the door)
Transition
Mason and Daisy at Rube's apartment
DAISY:I think we should go back to the Waffle Haus.
(Mason has Rube's hat on)
MASON: If you miss a reap, a wrath will be visited upon you as such will have you writhing in testicles shrivelling horror. That was Rube.
DAISY: Why did we drink so much?
MASON: You are so lovely. I love you. You're so perfect and your skin is so beautiful.
DAISY: True but not what I asked.
It's all the...the people's imperfections that make them so beautiful. Like the black
velvet that shows off a little diamond. Those three freckles that show off you
alabaster skin.
DAISY: Cut the bullshit, Mason.
MASON: What, Daisy? Really. What in the whole goddamned scheme of things is one more unhappy soul? I just cannot get it any more.(takes off the hat) I cannot get it any more.(he goes to the bed and lies on it.)
DAISY: You saw the post-it before you lost it.
MASON: No.
DAISY: Yes, you did. (Daisy comes over too) You always look at it when you get it. Even for just a second.
MASON: No, I don't. Do I?
DAISY: I watch you. You never just put it in you pocket.
MASON: You watch me?
DAISY: You always look at it because you're curious. You wanna know.
MASON: What do I wanna know?
DAISY: Their name. Where they're gonna die. You're curious. - You always look at it.
MASON: Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I do look at it.
DAISY: And you looked at this one too. And this person won't die alone.
(Mason grabs his bag and rushes out)
Transition
At the camp, everyone is round the fire
RUBE: This is a ghost story, and it's a love story. It's about a man who loved a woman. A man who thought the flame of their love could never diminish. (George is walking with a post-it in her hand - she passes a sign saying "Chipamagowa Ground 1/2 mile <--) But it did. What had once been a dance had become a battle. They fought, fought. In the dead of the night, after angry words were spoken, (Reggie is sleeping on the bed with JD an the end) he
left their bed and saddled his horse.(Joy is lying on the sofa reading a book) She said to him: "If you don't come back in 3 days, then you can never come back. Mark my words. I'll be gone."
SALLY: Where would she go?
FRANK: To live with an old boyfriend from high school!
RUBE: I think you two are a little ahead of the story. Am I gonna be interrupted again? Any other questions, thoughts? Then I will continue. Still angry. Still angry, the man rode away. (George is going through the woodland) And he enjoyed the solitude. The noise of their argument was replaced by the soothing sound of the forest.(There is a bump in the Lass household, Joy looks up from her book and gets up to look to see what it is) But after just 2 days in the forest, he was filled with regret.(she gets to the bottom of the stairs, camera
goes to Reggie's room where she turns over. Joy goes and sits back down on the sofa) He wanted to return to the woman he loved. And he wanted to return to he life he missed. So he found a shortcut through the woods and he took it.(Mason is running down the street) He was desperate, desperate to get back to the woman he loves before it was too late. Her threat surrounding his head...Would she wait for him or would she be true to her words? Would she be gone? (Daisy is picking up post-its) He could feel his horse losing speed as if it wouldn't
make it through the night.(A flashlight is shining on the hunters, George looks over one of them sleeping and sees his name tag saying "Chris Dunsmore ", she then looks at her post-it and it reads C Dunsmore, Chipamagowa camp ground E.T.D" She takes his soul. The dog is whining and barking, he has seen a graveling in the tree, the dog breaks free, knocks the gun, that triggers it - a shot is fired)
FRANK: What was that?
DELORES: Double barrel, twelve gage, full choke.
FRANK: Do we need to go help somebody?
Woman: That was sweet, Frank.
(Delores, touches Rubes arm)
RUBE: I'm just the storyteller. Greg here is in charge. Greg?
GREG: Oh oh ! No. No I... I don't think so. I'm a little afraid of the trees at night.
RUBE: We could either stop now or go on with the story, it's up to you, guys.
DELORES: No more interruptions.
RUBE: Okay. How you doing, Crystal? You're about to lose your marshmallow.(Crystal blows on
the marshmellow)
Transition
(Mason is running)
RUBE: The man came to the edge of a dark and unknown swamp. He had to make a decision.
DELORES: Should he go into the swamp or go around?
(Mason looking round looking lost)
DELORES: Does he go through the swamp or does he go around? We all ask ourselves that question, don't we? It's a very scary question to answer all alone.
(Mason knocks on the door)
MASON: Excuse me, you...You got something I need.
LADY: I'm sorry?
MASON: The post-it. It's mine.
LADY: Then maybe you can tell me why it has my name on it?
MASON: I can't do that, I'm sorry.
LADY: I'm sorry. (he takes her soul and backs away. The camera goes to a young boy looking
around the corner. The security gurd comes to open the door)
RUBE: Next to the swamp was a boy.
(the boy runs over to the woman and tries to grab her purse)
LADY: My name isn't... You! oh God!
RUBE: The man asks the boy: "Tell me...does the swamp have an hard bottom?"(the security guard takes a shot) And the boy tells
the man: "It does". So the man guides his horse into the swamp.(The dead guy is standing by the side of her. The dog tries to rub against him but coughs the vapours out instead.) And as he begins to sink,(Lady's body is lying on the floor, she is standing behind it, Mason puts his arm around in comfort) deeper and deeper into the swamp, he says to the boy: (Daisy closing the wardrobe door, all the post-it's are back where they were) "I thought you said it
had a hard bottom!" (Daisy leaves the apartment) And the boy says: "It does... You're just not there yet."
DELORES:(sighs) So the man doesn't get back to his wife in time.
FRANK: Panicked voice) He might! He might get out and reach her! Right?
RUBE: That's the end of the story, folks.
WOMAN: I mean he might get back to her.
(Everyone is getting up and leaving)
WOMAN: Guys!
(Delores sees Millie and opens her arms to her, she doesn't rocipricate)
MILLIE: Hey! What did I miss?
DELORES: A wonderful story. Millie, I've been worried about you. - We heard a gunshot.
MILLIE: - Oh I'm fine.
DELORES: Okay, just don't go off alone like that again. Rube! Thank you.
RUBE: Thank you.
GEORGE: So was the story you told scary?
RUBE: Oh I don't know. I didn't hear it, I just told it.
GEORGE: Smart mouth!
RUBE: It was a little scary. You know why people like to get together to hear these kind of
stories in the woods?
GEORGE: Why don't you tell me?
RUBE: They like to face their fears...together. Somehow easier than facing them alone.(passes
her some tin foil)You'd like some?
GEORGE: Of what?
RUBE: It's what I've christened the combination of Graham cracker and chocolate
lightly toasted over an open flame.
(she takes it) We're out of marshmallows.
GEORGE: Some?
RUBE: That's better than nothing. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Frank and Sally are sharing a blanket)
FRANK: You're not staying?
RUBE: I got an early breakfast meeting. You enjoy the rest of the retreat.
(VO) Maybe it was just the warmth of the fire, but for once I was happy to have a spot in the circle.(she waves to Frank and Sally. Camera change to the gas station, where Delores is getting some snacks) Delores and I drove back together and she told me that she too was a cat, that she was born in the year of the cat, that she had all the qualities of a cat.
I swear to God if she told me she went in a litter box, I was living her by the side of the road.
Transition
Lass house. Joy is sitting at the table. Reggie comes down the stairs, to the room where Joy, smiling is sitting)
REGGIE: Looks good. More buyers coming?
JOY: No, this is for us.(tries to hold her hand but she pulls away) I thought we deserved a little sit-down breakfast.
(a car beeps outside)
REGGIE: Sorry, I gotta go.
JOY: Wait! Here take bacon! (follows her to the door with the bacon) Reggie...You know, if
you ever wanna talk to me about anything, you know, I mean anything at all, about George.
(the telephone rings)
JOY: God! Hello? Hello? Come on! If anyone is there, would you just say something? Fine. You
know if that keeps happening, I'm gonna change our number.
REGGIE: I don't think that's a good idea. I gotta go.
(George puts down the phone and gets the photograph of the squash couple. She takes out the picture and replaces it with a picture of her and Reggie on their vacation)
(VO) Once upon a time, there was a girl named George who couldn't quite forget there was once upon a time.
(goes to the Waffle Hauswhere she sees Rube Mason, Roxy and Daisy.)
END CREDITS
