Épisode Il était une fois George S01E01 - Dead Like Me Saison 1

"Allons faire un tour. Mon nom est George Lass, j'ai 18 ans et je suis
dans le monde d'en bas, quelque part... Je vais vous raconter une histoire..."

Ainsi commence le pilote.

Après la narration d'une histoire assez bizarre
sur le mystère de La Mort, George se présente comme une adolescente
démotivée et désintéressée. Après tout, que l'on soit quelqu'un de bien
ou pas, c'est pour tout le monde la même chose : au final, on crève!

La jeune fille est reçue par une "conseillère de carrière" euphorique,
qui lui propose un emploi des plus inintéressants : du classement de dossiers.

Plus tard, George dîne avec ses parents et sa petite sœur, et ne coupe pas
aux éternelles remarques sur ses échecs scolaires.

Dans sa chambre, elle pense à ce en quoi elle ne croit plus : le père Noël,
la petite souris, et même Dieu. C'est alors qu'elle trouve sa sœur cachée
dans son placard, en train de l'espionner.

Le lendemain, sa mère la réveille tôt : la conseillère de l'agence a appelé
pour lui annoncer qu'elle avait trouvé un boulot pour elle. Après quelques
autres remarques de sa mère, George se lève et se rend dans un sous-sol
rempli d'archives à classer. Elle est accueillie par un intello assez lourd.
Pendant sa nouvelle mission, elle ne loupe pas un moment pour faire autre
chose que travailler. Le reste de sa vie devra-t-il être aussi nul?

Lors de sa pause déjeuner, la station spatiale Mir entre
dans l’atmosphère, mais alors qu'elle doit s'écraser dans l'océan, une
partie dévie de son orbite et se dirige vers la Côte Ouest. George croise
un homme qui lui demande son prénom, et il devine ensuite la première lettre
de son nom de famille : "L". Intriguée, George le dévisage, et l'homme lui
conseille de se dépêcher, ou elle va être en retard. Pendant qu'elle se
retourne, il lui touche alors le dos discrètement. Quelques secondes plus
tard, le siège des toilettes de la station spatiale s'écrase violemment sur la jeune fille.

George regarde autour d'elle : les gens sont choqués, certains sont blessés.
En regardant par terre, elle voit sa chaussure cramée, puis quelqu'un court
et passe à travers elle. Soudain, un homme l'interpelle. Il s'appelle Rube,
c'est un "non mort". Betty le rejoint, c'est une "non-morte" aussi. Ils lui
expliquent qu'elle vient de mourir et que ce sont des faucheurs.

Plus tard, elle assiste à sa propre autopsie.

Pendant son enterrement, elle voit sa mère profondément affectée par sa mort.
Rube lui explique qu'elle est immatérielle, et qu'elle ne peut pas comme eux interagir avec les humains.
Puis elle voit Reggie, sa petite soeur qu'elle avait ignoré durant 10 ans.
Avec les aimants du réfrigérateur, elle écrit "moist" (humide), un mot que sa mère détestait, pour lui faire un signe.

Le soir même, Rube lui avoue qu'elle va devenir une faucheuse elle-même. Dans un
café, il lui explique avec Betty que leur rôle est de s'occuper de l'âme des
gens qui vont mourir. Lorsque la serveuse prend la commande, elle se rend compte
qu'on peut désormais la voir. Elle est devenue faucheuse car l'homme qui l'a "fauché" a rempli son quotas d'âmes collectées, a été "promu" on ne sais où, et c'est dons à sa dernière victime de le remplacer.

Elle fera partie des faucheurs qui s'occupent des morts par influence externe. Elle rencontre alors Roxie, une faucheuse "grande gueule", qui attend qu'un piano sur une grue tombe sur une passante.
Quelques secondes après, elle aperçoit une petite créature sombre disparaître
derrière la grue. Rube lui apprend que c'est le rôle des "Gravelings" de mener les
gens à leur mort, le leur n'étant que de récupérer l'âme de ces derniers.
Les Gravelings font bouger des objets, provoquent des accidents.
Puis ils croisent Mason, un beau faucheur qui lui tape immédiatement dan l’oeil, ramènant deux drogués qui viennent de s’entre-tuer. Rube lui demande de trouver un logement à George.

George et Mason arrivent dans l'appartement d'un comptable décédé, et Mason lui
propose d'occuper le lieu sans payer de loyer. Soudain elle se rend compte qu'il y a des cadavres dans l'appartement. Mason la rassure, une équipe de nettoyage va sûrement passer. Il en profite pour vider les poches des morts, prétextant collecter son salaire. En effet, les faucheurs doivent gagner leur vie soit en faisant les poches des morts, soit en travaillant. Betty arrive dans l'appartement et leur annonce que cet endroit est son nouveau toit. George doit trouver autre part où dormir...

Les trois faucheurs arrivent devant l'appartement d'un homme qui est mort dans la journée, mais ils se rendent compte que le présumé mort n’est prévu que pour la semaine prochaine, suite à une erreur de Betty.
Mason et George se promènent en mangeant une glace, et ils se voient dans des télévisions devant un magasin de caméras : ils ne ressemblent plus à ceux qu'ils étaient, leur apparence a changé pour les vivants.

Plus tard, Mason lui donne son premier cours pratique. Ils sont dans une banque et quelqu'un doit mourir dans quelques instants. George aperçois un autre Graveling près d'une peau de banane. Elle intuite que c'est quelqu'un qui va glisser sur la peau. Tout ce qu'ils savent sur le futur mort, sont des initiales et l'heure estimée de la mort. En savoir le moins possible permet de ne pas s'attacher à la personne.
Soudain, un braqueur entre et menace tout le monde avec une arme. Un employé marié fait pendant ce temps l'amour avec une "collègue", alors que sa femme, désabusée, entre à son tour dans l'agence. Elle sort aussi une arme et demande ou est son mari. Elle tire une balle en l'air, et l'étage du bâtiment explose à cause d'une réaction en chaîne. Le bandit s'échappe, en loupant de peu la peau de banane. Les pompiers arrivent, en même temps qu'un jeune homme qui veut encaisser un chèque. Un garde lui dit que la banque est fermée, Mason voit le nom correspondant au mort sur le chèque, lui touche l'épaule, l'homme glisse alors sur la peau de banane, et un pompier lui brise involontairement le cou en poussant la porte tournante de la banque. L'homme est mort. Mason lui demande alors s'il vivait seul, et George trouve enfin un chez-soi…

L'après-midi, elle se rend à un vide grenier devant chez elle organisé par sa mère. Elle vend ses affaires. George négocie avec sa mère pour acheter un des ses anciens jouets. En discutant, sa mère lui avoue que sa fille était pour elle intelligente, et qu'elle ne devait pas être une bonne mère.

Mason la réveille le lendemain matin, et ils retrouvent les autres faucheurs au restaurants. Alors que Rube distribue les "objectifs du jour", il donne sa première mission à George.

Dans la soirée, Rube et elle sont dans une gare. C'est en train que la mort doit survenir. L’indice qu'elle a sur la victime est son numéro de siège : c'est une petite fille, Kirsty, qui prend la mauvaise place.

Pendant ce temps, Rube suit le train par la route.

George vois un Graveling passer devant une fenêtre du train. Elle s'approche de Kirsty et engage la conversation, puis lui demande de la suivre et de venir s'asseoir avec elle, mais un homme de la sécurité l'empêche de déplacer la petite fille qui voyage seule sous sa surveillance. C'est alors que le train se met à dérailler. Cependant, Kirsty est toujours en vie, car George avait réussi à la déplacer un peu. Alors que les passagers se réunissent autour d'un feu de camp, en attendant les secours, elle part dans la forêt rejoindre Rube. Elle lui avoue qu'elle a changé le destin de la fillette. Il lui explique alors que sa vie ne lui servira plus, car son âme est périmée. Son corps sera vide pour le reste de sa vie. George doit lui permettre de mourir.
Elle revient alors au campement et après avoir discuté un peu avec Kirsty, elle lui fait fermer les yeux et lui touche le front. Elle décède sur le coup. George amène son
âme dans la forêt, et lorsque la fillette vois une grande lueur, elle court vers elle et disparaît.

La mère de George couche sa sœur, alors que la nouvelle faucheuse l'observe, cachée dans le placard...

(start of episode)


(VO) Let's go for a little ride. My name is George Lass, I'm 18 years old
and I
am down there, somewhere. I'm going to tell you a story, not my story,
that's
later. This is just a story, ready? Once upon a time or more specifically at
the
dawn of time, god, lower case g was getting busy  with creation as the kids
these
days are saying. He gave toad a clay jar and said "be careful with this,
it's
got death inside" pleased as punch  and obivious to the fact that he was
to become god's fall guy on the whole death issue, toad promised to guard
the
jar. But then one day toad met frog "let me hold the jar of death" or
whatever you
call it frog bag. With a nod to Nancy Reagan's pro of wisdom, toad just said
no
But frog was deetermined and after much whining toad finally gave in "you
can
hold it but just for a second" he said. In his excitement frog began to hop
around and juggle the death jar from one foot to the other. Frog was an
asshole.
"Stop" toad cried out but it was too late, frog dropped the jar and it
shattered
to the ground. When it broke open death got out and ever since all living
things
have to die. Makes you wonder how much better the world would be if frog had
stuck to hocking beer. So there you have it, the mystery of death finally
revealed, we all die, some of us sooner than later, for me, it's going to be
much
sooner but that's only the beginning of my story,

(Betty on top of a high building, feeling the rush of wind going through her
hair)

(VO)That's not me

(Fast motion into the Happy time office where George is sitting down with
her
headphones on looking sullen)

(VO)That's me. I'd say I'm sorry to dissapoint you, but I am not. I excel
at not giving a shit. experince has taught me that interest begets
expexctation
and expectation begets dissapointment, so the key to avoiding
dissappointment to
avoid interest. A equals B equals C or A or whatever, I also don't have a
lot of
interest in being a good person or bad person, from what I can tell either
way
you are screwed. (Robber running from the scene of a crime)
Bad people are punished by society's law
COP: Drop your weapon. Put your hands in the air!(row of cops open fire)
(Lady standing on a picket fence trying to give some milk to a cat "who's a
pretty kitty, here you are, come on sweetheart")
and all good people are punished by Murphy's law.(she falls off the picket
fence and the
cat drins the milk) So you see my dilemma (Crystal stares at George
unblinking from behind
her desk. Woman comes over with a clip board and pen)

DOLORES: Georgia Lass? Hi I'm Dolores Herbigg as in Her big brown eyes. I'll
be
your Happy Time career counsellor. Why don't you come with me

(George gets up after much effort, still staring at Crystal to see if she
blinks, unsure of
her)

DOLORES: Some college huh? didn't finish?
GEORGE: Some seemed like enough
DOLORES: Mmm. I see you have management experience in the food service
industry

(cuts to George working in a greasy spoon restaurant. Over the tannoy "Big
mamito
with a cherryone peptid tide and an order of empty tots")

GEORGE: Yeah
DOLORES: Do you ever wake up in the morning and realise that your life is
meaningless?
GEORGE: What?
DOLORES: Are you familiar with the Microsoft Word Office Suit? Word? Access?
Powerpoint?
GEORGE: I know Lotus
DOLORES: (Laughs slightly)We use Excel now dear, you might want to think
about
taking some tutorials. I'm going to get straight to the point. What kind of
work
are you looking for?
GEORGE: (shrugs her shoulders)I dont know. What's availible
DOLORES: For you we have clerical positions, reception, data entry
GEORGE: I was told to ask about being an executive assistant
DOLORES: (snorts) Well you can ask. To be absolutley honest with youre
rather
limited experience in education, youre better off sticking to redundant
duties.
How do you feel about filing?
GEORGE: I never thought about it
DOLORES: Maybe you should
GEORGE: Can I make an observation? I havent seen to smile once since you set
foot
in this office and a sunny disposition goes a long way in any line of work,
especially here at happy time. Trust me no employer  is going to want a sad
sack
on their hands. Look at me, I certainly wouldn't have gotten far as that...
GEORGE: How far is that?
DOLORES: I beg your pardon?
GEORGE: How far have you gotten? I mean it's not like this is a corner
office
with a view and like every day, you have to find jobs for other people,
mostly
that are going to be better than yours and that has to suck and I bet they
don't
pay you much either.
(Dolores face drops)
GEORGE: Just making an observation
(Dolores grits her teeth and tries to smile)

Transition
The Lass family home. At the dinner table. George and Clancy. Joy comes from
the
kitchen with a bowl of mashed potato

CLANCY: How thing's go today?
GEORGE: Okay
CLANCY: Just okay?
GEORGE: Yeah. Just okay
JOY: She bitter because they told her she wasn't qualified to get a decent
job
CLANCY: Aww sweetie, I'm sorry
JOY: you want to know what I think?

(VO) Here we go

JOY: You should have never dropped out of college and I still don't
understand
why you couldn't at least finish the semester. (a pair of glasses floating)
What
happened to you Georgia? You used to have friends, you used to be so smart,
it's like you just gave up. Well I hate to say" I told you so"
GEORGE: You love to say "I told you so"
CLANCY: Sweetie don't talk that way to your mother like that, you know it
only
aggrevates her
JOY: (sarastically)Oh thank you honey, that's so helpful

(VO) Meet the family. Joy, 41, is a Virgo. She is a career secretary and
enjoys ice
skating and John Grisham novels. She's pathologically afraid of balloons and
hates the
word moist, she thinks it's pornographic.

(George looks over to Clancy)

(VO)Clancy  age 43 is a cancer, he is a tenured proffessor of English at UW,
and
I'm told very well respected. He's having an affair with one of his graduate
students.

(VO)and that's Reggie, She's 10, she's not really invisible, but is far as
i'm
concerned she may as well be

GEORGE: This is delicious. And moist
(Joy bangs down her fork and looks hatefully at her daughter, Reggie smirks)

George lying in her bed
(VO) When I was little my mom told me Santa Claus didn't exist, neither
did the easter bunny, the tooth fairy or the great pumpkin, even though she
didn't say so specifically I just sort of assumed that god didn't either,
otherwise I would
probably be praying right now

(sees the light on in her closet, opens it and Reggie is there. George takes
her
out and leads her out of her bedroom)
I'de pray for world peace ectera and maybe even for a little guidance. I
mean do
you know what it is like to be like cusping on adulthood and not know who
you
are?what you want to be or even if you want to be? It's ten shades of suck,
is
what it is

(It's morning and Joy opens George's bedroom curtains)
JOY: Get up
GEORGE: Mom!
JOY: That woman from the temp agency called, she's got a job for you
GEORGE: What kind of job?
JOY: Beggers can't be chosers
GEORGE: I don't feel good
JOY: Too bad
GEORGE: I think I have a tempurature
JOY: Damn it Georgia you are not six years old (Pulls the covers off george)
18
years of coddling, is enough for you young lady, you think you are going to
spend
the rest of your life suckling at my retirement fund, you've got another
thing
coming. You will get out of bed and  you will work, you will collect  pay
cheque and
you will move out of this house. Understood? (puts clothes on George's bed
from
her closet) Get dressed
GEORGE: Those are funeral clothes
JOY: There is going to be a funeral if you don't get your ass out of bed

(VO) Those are the last words my mother will ever say to me

JOY: Now move it!(She leaves the room)

(VO) Boy is she going to be sorry

GEORGE: Who had the nerve to name you Joy?


Transition
At Happy Time, down in the basement, George is walking behind man with her
funeral
clothes and a sticky badge that says "Hello! I'm new, ask me my name"

DATA ENTRY GUY: So you see these all these boxes, we required a small
insurance company
based out in Spokan about two years ago. all their claim files were shipped
here for
electronic data convertion. This is what we call the pit. Get cosy 'cos you
are
going to spend a lot of time here, so your mission should you chose to
accept it
is to sift though all this crap and code it for the pencil-necks in data
entry.
Think you can handle that?
GEORGE: Sure, Whatever
DATA ENTRY GUY: Cool. So what did you do to piss Dolores off?
GEORGE: Huh?
DATA ENTRY GUY: Dolores Herbigg, as in her big brown eyes. Huh you must of
done something.
She only gives this job to people she hates

(VO) As the work day progressed I began to susspect that Dolores Herbig as
in
her big fat ass was the devil and she'd  condemned me to hell. To spite the
big
hoofed one I took every opportunity to shirk my duties.
But even though I did my best to do very little, most everyone else was
doing even
less (Man looking at porn on the computer and man taking a cigarette break
near
the paper flues. George comes out of the elevator with a stack of
files)Welcome
to corporate America. Was this it? was this who I was? Would I forever be
remembered as a file clerk? or worse a temp! (Doesn't quite make it out the
elevator and the doors close on her making her drop one of the files, that
drops
down the shaft. Walks down the long room with a desk at the end)

CUTE GUY: Just toss them in there. Where are the other files?
GEORGE: Err, what other files?
CUTE GUY: Yes, the ones I requested with the red flagged cases
GEORGE: Yeah, looked for those, I couldnt find them
CUTE GUY: Well files don't just disappear
GEORGE: They do if you drop them down an elevator shaft
CUTE GUY: Is that a joke?
GEORGE: I dont know, yeah, maybe. Can I go now?
CUTE: Which elevator?
GEORGE: The middle one
(George walks away)

(VO) I was doomed to spend the rest of my life in a lousy dead end job and
I'm not
just being dramatic. It really is going to be the rest of my life, which
actually
only amounts to about hour an half or so

(swqeaky Trolly with data entry guy goes past, stops, and comes back)

DATA ENTRY GUY: Hey what's up?
GEORGE: Nothing
DATA ENTRY GUY: nada mucho, that's cool, then it's your lunch hour. We'll
see you back in
35
GEORGE: If it's my lunch hour why is it only 35 minutes?
DATA ENTRY GUY: Oh 'cos they did some research like five years ago and I
guess they
clocked some folks and figure to go somewhere and go get youre food, you
know like eat it.
So we'll see you in 3(puts three fingers up) 5 (puts five fingers up)

Transition
(debris hurtling down to earth come down to George at a hotdog stand)
(VO) It was a beautiful day, the sun was shinning, the sky was blue and the
Russian
space agency was de-orbiting the earth.(man with The Local Dispatch news
paper
held up with the headline MIR's Fiery Plunge) Evidently there was a
miscalculation in the density in the ionisphere at the point of entry or
something like that, the whole thing was supposed to fall in the Pacific
Ocean
but a few peices made it to the West Coast including the seat of a 0G toilet


REAPER: Excuse me, you got the time?
GEORGE: Five after one
REAPER: Thank you, thank you very much. So what is your name?
GEORGE: Umm George
REAPER: I mean your middle name? you got a middle name?
GEORGE: Fuck off, would you
REAPER: Does it start with an L? You better hurry George, youre going to be
late
(moves the hair from her face, she looks puzzled and walks off, he reaps
George
just before she goes. She nearly trips over the toad)

(VO)They say that your entire life flashes in front of you the moment
before you die, that might be true if you are terminally ill or your
parashute
doesn't open, but if death sneaks up on you the only thing you have time to
think is......

GEORGE: Awww shit
(total impact on Georrge, the reaper standing there looking sad. ghost
George stands there,
looking shocked, seeing all the people picking themselves up. Walks towards
her shoe and
moves it with her foot. Somebody is running and runs straight through her,
she gasps)

(flashes to Hangman where a lady is standing next to the board that says
YOU'RE
DE_D)

(VO) Ide like to solve the puzzle

(starts walking really fast)
RUBE: Hey, dead girl. Hold on there a minute

(VO) That's Rube, he's undead

(George starts to pace as if she is having a panick attack)

(VO) They say that there are like five phsycological stages of death,
ironically this even applies when you are already dead. Number one, denial

GEORGE: This isn't happening, this isn't real
RUBE: oh peanut, this is as real as it gets. Youre dead

(Betty walks up to her)

(VO) That's Betty, also undead (she catches George's stick on badge and
puts it back on her)

BETTY: This is yours
RUBE: Mercy thing made a hell of a noise, didn't it?
GEORGE: But I don't remember feeling anything
BETTY: Your soul was popped out before impact
RUBE: We do that for violent deaths as a curtesy
GEORGE: (she starts to cry) But I didn't want to die
RUBE: Ah nobody does, except suicides. They are no fun

(VO)Number two is anger

GEORGE: I'm only eighteen, I haven't done anything. This isn't fair. So what
are
you like angels or something?
RUBE: Oh no ma'm
(Betty laughs demurely)
RUBE: Angels don't like to get their hands dirty, you know upper managment
types.
We have the unfortunate distinquinshion of being called grim reapers

(VO) Number three is bargaining
GEORGE: Well then can't you take somebody else? or an old person, that
homeless guy,
I won't tell I promise
BETTY: Alright
GEORGE: Really?
BETTY: No!
GEORGE: Well I want my life back!
BETTY: It's not like you were doing anything with it

(VO) And then there is depression
(George walks over to a nearby bench and plonks herself down, Rube follows
her)

RUBE: I know what might cheer you up
GEORGE: What?
RUBE: Your autopsy

(VO) There's something about seeing your body all empty and cold, or in my
case little chunks and pieces. Rube says "It's like looking at a bowl of
homemade peach cobbler, you just dropped on the floor, as good as it might
have
been you just don't want it anymore" it sounds kinda whacked but it did make
me
feel better

GEORGE: I dont get it, why do an autopsy?
BETTY: Well you still have to identify the body
GEORGE: How hard can that be?
BETTY: You were hit by an object travelling 200 miles an hour, with a
surface
tempurature exceeding 1500° Farenheit, do the Math

(VO)I don't know what was more disturbing being dead or the fact that the
first person to touch my naked body was a coroner

GEORGE: This has been lovely and all but don't you think it's time to be
going?
RUBE: Why you got some place to be?
GEORGE: I don't know, do I?
RUBE: Well you going to stick around 'till your body's beeen laid to rest
GEORGE: Im meat in a ziplock, how much rest do I need?
RUBE: That's not important, what is important is that you say a proper
goodbye
to the old life before you say hello to the new life
GEORGE: What do you mean, the next one? Am I beng reincarnated or something?
RUBE: Don't be an ass

Tranistion
Georgia's funeral. Camera mingling with the guests passes cute guy.

(VO) Everyone always says the same shit at funerals. They talk about how
sweet, wonderful and oh-so-full of life you were and how it was your time
and you
can't question god's plan. They never say anything bad, you could be the
biggest
turd in the toilet bowl and still come up smelling like a rose

(man comes up to Joy and comforts her by putting his hands by her shoulders)
MAN: What a wonderful girl, so full of life
(gives her a hug)
Younger man comes in with a load of silver ballons, Joy clocks him and
rushes
over to him)
JOY: Get those out of here! get out, get out

(Betty is eating the food, Rube and George pass her)
RUBE: And Betty, she just loves funerals. She'd think she'd never been to
one
before

(Joy throws the ballon man out)

(George and Rube sit down on the sofa. Clancy comes into the room and looks
at his watch
impatiently. Betty comes to him)

BETTY: I am so very sorry for your loss (she hugs him, while taking a bit of
her
food from her plate. Onlooking is Rube and George, when one of the mourners
comes
to sit down and dissperses George)

RUBE: Excuse me, this seat's taken
Man: Excuse me (he get's back up, George re-appears and coughs as if she has
just
has the wind taken out of her)
GEORGE: How come they can see you but they can't see me?
RUBE: Well peanut, youre dead
GEORGE: So are you
RUBE: Bite your tongue, I'll have you know I am un-dead
GEORGE: What's the difference?
RUBE: As an undead person I have certain rights and privilages, for instance
I
have a physical body. I can enjoy this sweet, deliciousness of this tasty
Key
Lime Pie and If I so chose I can even interact the the living. Observe. Err,
how
do you do sir?
MAN: Fine. See you can't do that
RUBE: That sucks
GEORGE: Yeah, for you dead types, sure but I like it, it keeps the riff raff
in
its place

(George looks over to Clancy and sees a young man walking through the door)

CLANCY: Ah, I'm so glad your here
OTHER MAN: Im so glad to be here
(gives a hug that implies that they are more than friends)
GEORGE: Err is a friendly hug between two men supposed to last that long?

(VO) And then there was Reggie
(sits forward to look at her more closely, sees that she going somewhere, so
she
follows her)

Transition
George's old room, Reggie is sitting on steps in her closet)
(VO) After ignoring her for ten years, I guess it ws my turn to be the
invisible sister

(George comes down the stairs)
RUBE: You missed all the commotion, your mother balling so hard she started
to choke, I
almost called the ambulance
GEORGE: Really?
RUBE: She's a mess, she's never gonna stop missing her little girl
GEORGE: Well, since youre interaction man, can't you just tell them i'm okay
RUBE: I'll get right on it
GEORGE: (she gasps)Wait, then I'll tell them
RUBE: How do you proprose doing that? rattling some chains, make the lights
flicker, do you know how to make wind noises? I can help you, I could do
that part (blows
on her face)
GEORGE: Why do you have to be such an asshole?

(George goes through the kitchen door, it flaps. George walks over to the
fridge
and sees the alphabet fridge magnets are there. Cuts to Joy sniffing as she
is
clearing away the food from the funeral, she goes into the kitchen with a
leaking
dustbin bag)

JOY: Awww god damn it (she takes a tea-cloth and goes to mop up the mess
when she
looks over to the fridge and sees the word MOiST and the T is moving)

JOY: (wavering voice)Whaaa

Transition
George and Rube are sitting on the outside wall


GEORGE: So what's next? Onward and upward?
RUBE: Onward not upward. No pearly gates for you, no choirs of angels,
neither
GEORGE: You dick, youre sending me to hell?
RUBE: Don't flatter yourself, youre not that interesting. You little dead
girl
are going to be a grim reaper
(whoosh noise in the background. George looks at him in puzzlement)
GEORGE:  Huhhhh


Transition
In the Waffle Haus with George, Betty and Rube. George with her head in her
hands
as if it is going to explode

BETTY: Hundreds and thousands of people die every day, bodies are easy, dig
a
ditch, light a match, but what about the souls? who takes care of them?
RUBE: We do. We're bails bondsman for the disembodied
BETTY: See once their souls ditch their plushy parts they are in our custody
until they
reach their final destination
GEORGE: I assume you are talking about heaven?
(both Rube and Betty shrug their shoulders)
RUBE: Who knows
BETTY: Whatever it is, I hope it's not all gody-like like the bible
RUBE: Well I'd like to think it is just like this
GEORGE: So does this mean that there is a god?
RUBE: What do you think?
KIFFANY: Velcome to de vaffle haus, what can I get you?
RUBE: T-bone steak eggs, T-bonesteak medium with eggs over easy, I want
toast
instead of hash browns and hot syrup on the pancakes and please do not skimp
on
the butter and a side order of bacon, extra extra extra crispy
KIFFANY: Drink?
RUBE: Lemonade
BETTY: Im not staying. I've got an appointment downtown. I hope it's not
another
dead hooker
KIFFANY: Miss, Miss
GEORGE: (looks at Rube)You said no-one can see me
RUBE: Now that was before you joined the ranks of the undead, now order
something
before she thinks youre retarded
GEORGE: Errr, what he's having
KIFFANY: Mmmm-mmm
GEORGE: Okay, I'm still having trouble with this whole "why me" issue
RUBE: Well you filled someone's quota
(George looks with blankness)
RUBE: Everyone is assigned an unspecified allotment of souls to collect, now
you
don't know how many until youve nabbed the last one
BETTY: Do you remember that wierd guy that asked you your name right before
you got
torpedoed by the toilet seat?
GEORGE: Yeah
BETTY: Well you were his last one, which  means he gets a promotion, nice
benefits package and you take his place
RUBE: Personally I was glad to see him go, he was a pain in the ass
BETTY: (puts on her lipstick by using a knife as a mirror) Oh It's like
being
the millionth customer served 'xept there's no shopping spree
GEORGE: You could have told me before
RUBE: Well pardon my savoir faire but dying is traumatic enough without all
the
other stuff messing with your head
BETTY: Oh don't go getting your knickers in a knot, It's a destiny thing.
Enjoy it

(VO) They kept tossing around words like "destiny" and "fate", the word
"choice"
wasn't even mentioned, that's because I didn't have one

BETTY: (she gets her coat and bag) Okay bye
RUBE: (face full of food) Bye bye
BETTY: (to George)and congratulations
RUBE: With his mouth very full) Are you going to eat the bacon?
(shakes her head, he takes the bacon off her plate)

(VO) And just like that I became a grim reaper, swear to god. I was born
again,
but not in a creepy religious way. All around me was a bright shiney new
world
and death was everywhere

(flicking through a death book)
Infections and parasitic disease, circulatory system disease, malignant
neoplasms, those were the big three the leading causes of death worldwide
but
they wern't my problem, Grim reapers are assigned to specific divisions, my
division is external influence, translation - murder, suicides, accidents
exectra, and I do mean exectra

Camera change

(Rube and are waking down the street, further down the road Roxie is waiting
to
write a parking ticket, as a crane behind her lifts a large grand piano. A
woman
is walking down the street, the wire breaks from the piano and falls on her
head.
The parking meter changes to expired and Roxie writes out the ticket, she
looks
at the piano in pieces, sighs and gets back to writing. Rube and George walk
passed the piano, George sees her foot with her shoe off. Roxie comes over,
puts
her hand through the rubble and brings out the woman's soul)

(VO) That's Roxie, she could kick your ass. Every reaper has their own
distinct
style, you know those little personal touches that makes death so special

RUBE: Morning
ROXIE: Morning
(they walk by each other)
RUBE: You don't just stand there waiting for a piano to drop, in polite
society
you take her soul at the corner, you let her have a little dignity (George
looks
back and sees a graveling)
GEORGE: So do you guys get off on dropping pianos on people, I mean is that
like
fetish or something
RUBE: It's not our job to drop the pianos or the toilet seats
GEORGE: Who's job is it?
RUBE: Gravelings
GEORGE: Gravelings? (pauses)Are they invisible?
RUBE: No, they're not invisible, you just can't see them, not when you are
looking at them straight anyway, but sometimes when something's about to
happen or just
happened, you might catch a glimpse of one of them out of the corner of your
eye,
so just don't freak out
GEORGE: But they're real
RUBE: Yeah, I'm afraid so, ahhh they set things in motion, they make the
accidents happen
GEORGE: They kill people?
RUBE: It's like and life and death - they have to exist in perfect harmony,
yin
and yan, call it what you want, but that balance, it has to be maintained
GEORGE: Or else
RUBE: Or else things get out of hand and that ain't pretty

Transition
Mason is walking down the road with two druggies

RUBE: Hey what's up pussy cat?
MASON: Hey there man
RUBE: George, this is Mason

(VO)Mason. Ahhh Mason,Mason Mason
RUBE: Mason, George
MASON: Hey
Druggie 1: Does this crack have to stop and talk to everyone?
MASON: Shhhhhhhh
DRUGGIE 1: You just shushed me. Now why you gonna do that man, that's rude?
DRUGGIE 2: That's disrespecting the dead
MASON: (whispers)You two come here, you two just murdered each other, in a
crack
den, you do not deserve my respect, hence shhhhhhh
DRUGGIE 1: That's cold, man
MASON: Mmm-mmm
RUBE: Sure it's not a week ago, in a freak aerospace accident
MASON: Yeah, I remember you. toilet seat girl
RUBE: (to George)Look you already got yourself a nickname.(to Mason) Toilet
seat
girl needs a place to stay, you wouldn't happen to know of any vacancies?
MASON: Ahhh I know that place at Spring Hill, I don't know if it's still
available but...
RUBE: Well do me a favour and find out. and can you take with? I need a
break,
I love you peanut but you are wearing me out. I'll see that Mutt and Jeff
get to
where they are going. If you really want to be my hero, you'll let her tag
along
on your 2.30, she needs clocks and observation
MASON: What you on about?
RUBE: 9.30am at the Waffle haus, Banana Bonanza's my treat, (taking them by
the
scruff off the neck and taking them in the opposite direction) there's your
bus,
go on with the nice man, ah here we go
(with outsaying a word to each other, George and Mason go and catch the bus)

MASON: Well it's rented out to some accountant guy, (starts to pick the
lock) he
cooked the books for one of those tribal casinos. he's made sure that all
their
bills have been paid off from an off-shore account
GEORGE: How did he die?
MASON: I don't know, didn't ask
GEORGE: The bills are paid until when?
MASON: Till someone decides to closes the account, in the meantime you squat
GEORGE: As in?
MASON: As in settling in property without right or title or payment of rent
GEORGE: Reapers are squatters?
MASON: Think of it as susidising housing, we preform a public service, don't
we?
GEORGE: The living probably don't think so
(speed camera to the other room, Mason is going through the fridge seeing
what
he can find)
GEORGE: What if someone shows up?
MASON: You walk away. Unless the tracher, then you run away
GEORGE: So, how does this work? I just crash here(turns round)
MASON: Yeah more or less
GEORGE: Do I get keys?
MASON: If you can find them
GEORGE: What do you....jesus christ
MASON: What?
GEORGE: (shocked panicked voice) Jesus christ. Jesus christ
MASON: Don't get loud, what?
GEORGE: Those are dead people
MASON: (cool as a cucumber) No shit
GEORGE: Well I can't live with dead people, that's gross
MASON: You wont have to, look at these bodies(walks over to the bodies)
MASON: (points to one)execution (the other)execution (the other) execution.
These guys over here were probably tourtured to death. Now this is a
professional
job
GEORGE: So?
MASON: So, these bodies aren't just going to lay around, they'll disappear.
They've got cleaning crews for this kind of thing. you know. Yup, they are
probably on
their way right now with a couple vats of acid and carpet steamer
(Mason starts going through the dead people's pockets)
GEORGE: What are you doing?
MASON: Collecting my salary. Leave the plasic, cash is king
We dont get paid through proper channels?
(smirks) No

(VO) I kept telling myself "they're dead, it's a victimless crime", then it
occured to me that's probably what those guys who have sex with corpes do

MASON: There's the accountant over there, why dont you check his pockets for
the
keys
GEORGE: Oh (walks over to the body and tries to move him to get at his
pockets -
not loving this moment at all)
GEORGE: Not that I'm any great bastion of morality but isn't steaing from
dead people kind
of tacky?
MASON: Well, it's either this or get yourself a day job

(VO) He's not joking

Transition A parking meter changes to EXPIRED. Roxie is giving a ticket out
and
gets into  her van where the newly dead piano lady is sitting

(VO)The US goverment doesn't provide food stamps for grim reapers, we don't
have
special bus passes and we don't get into movies for free. Most reapers take
what
they can from the dead, others get day jobs

PIANO LADY: Do I need to be crossing over, passing on or something?
ROXIE: You aint going nowhere until I've filled my quota

Transition
At the accountant's place. Betty comes down the stairs

BETTY: Hi. What you guys doing?
GEORGE: Looking for keys
BETTY: Oh I have them, I called dibs two hours ago
MASON: You've got a place
BETTY: (goes to the female body, takes off her shoe and ties it on herself)
Probates over. My real estate agent asked me to leave. It was all very civil
MASON: Well shit, now we are going to have to find her somewhere to stay
GEORGE: Well can't I just couch surf with one of you guys for a couple of
days
BETTY: : mmmm, see that's the problem, it's never just a couple of days, is
it?
MASON: No. Two days becomes a week, a week becomes a month, we don't know
anything about you
BETTY: I mean you could be a crazy person and there we'd be inviting you
into our
homes
MASON: You understand our position

Transition
Mason is walking down a hall, with Betty and George following

BETTY: Freinds of mine at circulartory disease give me the skinny on
vacancies in
their division, now I don't normally share privilidged 411 but I like you
toilet
seat, you're boxy
GEORGE: There's not going to be arterial spray everywhere is there?
MASON: Let's hope he was considering he was to die outside the home (Mason
picks the
lock. The door flies open)

(VO)Enter the angry white man

ANGRY MAN: What the fuck are you doing?
MASON: And who are you?
ANGRY MAN:(looking at Mason) What the fuck are you bitch
BETTY: We are here about the apartment
ANGRY MAN: It's occupied, fuck off (slams the door shut. Mason and Betty
look
at each other)
BETTY: He called you bitch
GEORGE: Maybe we should let him keep it
MASON: I'm not going to co-sign on this bullshit (knocks on the door again)
(under breath) don't call me bitch, bitch
MASON: Sorry to disturb you again, it's just that me and my collegues here
represent the local housing authority
BETTY: The tenant of apartment 12J is deceased
ANGRY MAN: This is 12J
MASON: mmm-mmm
BETTY: Yes it is
MASON: Therefore we are going to have to ask you to leave now
ANGRY MAN: I have rights cock-knocker, I aint going nowhere
MASON: Local and state laws which provide tenants rights are only applicable
to traditional rental situations
BETTY: They don't cover sqatting
ANGRY MAN: My names on the lease, you peice of shit
MASON: Excuse Me
ANGRY MAN: My name is on the goddamn lease, I want to see some ID
BETTY: You're D.W. Manus
ANGRY MAN: That's right
(Whispers to Betty) You said he was dead
ANGRY MAN: I'm alive and kicking youre ass, if you don't get the hell off my
slip, right now
BETTY: (looks at note book, closes it) I'm so embarrased
MASON: What did you do?
BETTY: Well I made a mistake
ANGRY GUY: You damn right you did
MASON: Excuse us (grabs Mason by the hand to drag him away from the door)
(he snarls at George, she runs off with the others)
BETTY: Um, well, he wasn't scheduled to die until next Tuesday
(looks to see what they are talking about)
MASON: Are you shitting me
BETTY: Ithought it said the 1st, but it was the 7th, see I mean doesn't that
look like a
one?
(let's George look at it)
MASON: That's your handwriting
BETTY: Well I feel bad enough already
MASON: What are we going to do now?
GEORGE: Well I think we should probably leave
MASON: Okay, (looking at angry guy)We'll come back next Tuesday
BETTY: Have a nice week

(VO)the angry white man would keep his apartment for six days before a
coronary
thrombosis terminated his lease(guy slammed the door shut) In the
meantime, I was homeless

Transition
George, Betty and Mason are sitting on top of a tall building

MASON: Do you remember the first time you asked your parents about the D
word?
My dad just about shit his pants. He told me not to worry, he said that most
people die when they are so old they don't care about living any more
BETTY: I'm sorry, I tuned you out, were you whinning?
MASON: I didn't sleep for a month, as childhood traumas go nothing beats the
realisation, everything dies, including you
(George turns away)
MASON: So much worse than what your parents could do, you know
BETTY: I was always a happy child, I never thought about death that much. Do
you guys want to get some ice-cream?

(VO) Betty treated us to an ice-cream and went on her way. I had chocolate
chocolate something, Mason had vanilla normally I would find that suspicious
but on him - it was endering

MASON: (points to a TV screen) Hey look, this is what we look like to the
living
GEORGE: Holy shit
(sings a little ditty and does rabbit ears behind her head)

(VO)Of all the things about being dead, this one freaked me out the most

GEORGE: Who decides what we look like?
MASON: I don't know, maybe this is our inner child when it grows up

(VO) if that was the case it looked like my inner child grew to adulthood
paved
with crack cocaine, ten dollar blowjobs and maybe a trick baby or two

GEORGE: Do you think she's pretty?
MASON: Not as pretty as you

(VO) I should of said thank you, I wanted to say thank you, I wanted to
smile
and flirt and giggle but instead I said

GEORGE: Whatever

Transition
Roxie in her van, a fly comes into veiw and the camera follows it. It goes
into
the bank, passes a banana peel on the floor. Enter George and Mason into the
bank and the fly lands

MASON: Be as the fly upon the wall. Observe, do not interact
GEORGE: That's very zen of you, you must smoke pot
MASON: Seriously. Some reapers believe that your appointment with death is
on the books
before you are born
GEORGE: What if they don't make the appointment?
MASON: ouuww, I don't know that one, all I'm saying is don't turn up to an
appointment
and start moving shit around and talking to people because you, you might
change the
outcomes of events. Treat it like rectroactive crime scene you stick to the
sidelines and
look for high risk factors
GEORGE: Like what?
MASON: (looks around) People behind that counter(cuts to counter - then cuts
back) They are miserable and unhappy people do unhappy things. Bob's big boy
on the ladder, he could slip and fall on somebody tweeker chick, for all we
know she's free-basing the ladies room, could be an overdose
GEORGE: Maybe she just got her period, lighten up
MASON: You get the picture?
(looks over by the door and she sees a graveling going up the wall, looks
down
and sees the banana peel)
GEORGE: It's a clue
MASON: Huh!
GEORGE: Graveling in the bank lobby with the banana peel
MASON: Alright, it might not be a graveling, could be murder, could be
suicide, it
could be food poisoning
GEORGE: It's the banana peel. Graveling, banana peel
MASON: Okay, it's say it is the graveling but the banana peel is a bit too
obvious
GEORGE: I saw them drop a piano on some chick's head, I don't think they're
trying to score points on originality
MASON: It's not the banana peel
GEORGE: (mimics Mason) If it's not the banana peel, go throw it in the
garbage.
GEORGE: Fine. (walks to the peel) I'll do it
MASON: Alright, we need to entertain the possibility that it might be the
banana peel,
now sit back down
GEORGE: That's what I thought you were going to say. Sooo How much do we
know
about this person?
MASON: Who?
GEORGE: errr the one that is going to die
MASON: Not a lot, last name Moore, initials BM
GEORGE: (laughs) BM Moore?
MASON: That's what it says
(she still laughs)
MASON: ETD is 2.36
GEORGE: ETD?
MASON: Estimated Time of Death
GEORGE: So is our BM a he or a she?
MASON: I don't know
GEORGE: Youre kidding
MASON: No I'm not kidding. We get a name and address and an ETD
GEORGE: That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. and on a post-it note?
MASON: The less we know the better
GEORGE: How do you figure that?
MASON: Because it keeps it clean. It's alot easier not to give a shit when
you don't
know anything about them

(VO) so I was like the fly upon the wall, I observed, I didn't interact and
in
my observation I heard a lot of B names being bandied about the office
gossip, but
were any of them BM's?
(camera goes up a floor to where there is the office manager shredding paper
and having a cigarette)
There is Byron, the embezelling bank manager. (guy on the telephone) Brenda
the
office slut (walks up to a desk where she puts an unsealed envelope on it)
Brad the
philandering loan officer(there are a pair of red panties, which he puts in
his
pocket and follows her, leaving behind a picture on the desk of his wife)
and Becky,
his adoring wife (with baby in one arm cigarrette in the other, looking very
drained, two other kids running around)but there was one more B name they
were
not gossiping about

FEMALE TELLER: Hello, can I help you?

(VO) Brett, the hapless bank robber

BRETT: Everyone listen to me,(reading from a scappy bit of paper) this
devise
is designed to detect the activation of a silent alarm, If the silent alarm
is
detected, I'll start killing everyone......errr people..I mean I'll start
killing
people

(VO) He rehersed all morning
(points a gun at the security guard)
BRETT: Put down your weapon down on the floor. (shouts) now now now, put
your
goddamn weapon on the ground

(camera comes back to see Mason and George sitting)

MASON: Still think it's a banana peel?

(camera comes back)

BRETT: Kick it over to me (Brett picks up the gun, puts it in his belt
buckle)
Everybody down on the floor now, now you get on the floor, you get over
here,
hurry, how old are you? get out here, now, alright

(goes to them humping)
(VO) Meanwhile the philanderer and the office slut were making sweet sweet
love
(goes to wife sorting out washing, finds his Y-fronts with lipstick on it)

(VO)as they had done so many times before

(Becky comes through the revolving doors, into the bank with the three
children.
Mason and George are lying on the floor nonchantly, watching everyone)

BECKY: Bradley!! Brad! Brad?
BRETT: (points the gun at her) Down on the floor
BECKY: Don't you point that gun at me, i'm holding a baby here
BRETT: Shut up
BECKY: You shut up (pulls a gun from the baby's carrycot, everyone gasps)
BRETT: Nobody said for you to stop what you are doing,(George slides across
the
floor to where Mason is) the man is waiting for his money
GEORGE: how many people are supposed to die again?
MASON: Just one, I think

(Becky goes to the counter, with the gun pointing to one of the staff)
BECKY: You? you know Brad?
MALE TELLER: Yes
BECKY: I'm his wife
MALE TELLER: Oh (more knowingly) Oh
BECKY: Yeah, Oh. Is my baby cheating on me?
MALE TELLER: Ahhhh
BECKY: Just tell me the truth(waving the gun about)Is he?
MALE TELLER: Yes maam. Yes the whole bank knows about it
BECKY: Fuck(shocked, she goes and sits down) oh my god, oh motherfucker
(puts the baby
down and comes back to the teller pointing the gun in front of him)
BECKY: How long has he been cheating on me?
MALE TELLER: Errr I don't know, two years
FEMALE TELLER: Yeah I'de say two, at least
BECKY: Did you make love to my husband?
FEMALE TELLER: No! no
(Brad and Brenda banging upstairs)
FEMALE TELLER: No, no, god no
BECKY: (shouts) Brad?!Brad baby. I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to
ask you
something okay? I mean I know you are here because you left your jacket on
the back
of your chair (looks round) Is he hiding from me?
MALE TELLER: I haven't seen him since he got back from break
BECKY: Brad! are you back there?get out here right now, I mean it. (She
fires a
shot into the ceiling which takes a light out of the office of Byron, the
emezeller, hits his golf clubs and he hids under the desk.)

ROXIE: You better unlock this door

(cuts to Roxie outside
her van and her appointment refusing to move. The bullet is still moving
round the
room and hits a large bottle of propane, which ignights the whole building.
the
building is starting to shake a bit and plaster falls down, that makes Roxie
notice the blast, Becky stop what she was doing, Brad and Brenda falling off
the
desk. Mason and George get up and brush themselves off. Brett stars heading
for the
door for a quick getaway. He steps over the banana peel, sees the fire crew
coming
and goes back the otherway, stuffing the bag of money under his jacket and
stands on the banana peel. Becky gets up, still with the gun in her hand and
staggers
towards the door, the security guard tackles her to the ground and the gun
flies out of
her hand, which Mason stops with his foot. Brett stands ther frozen until
the fireman
has passed him, then he steps over the banana skin again and goes through
the revolving
doors)

GEORGE: Nobody died. Is that like kosher?
MASON: It's not 2.36 yet

(Bloke with blue hair comes into the bank with a cheque in his hand)
SECURITY GUARD: Bank's closed
GUY: ATM's bust boss I gotta to cash my cheque
SECURITY GUARD: Sorry, bank's closed
(waves his cheque around, Mason looks at the name. Brendan Marshall Moore)
Come on man!
(takes his essence by touching his shoulder, he slips on the banana peel,
falls face
first to the revolving doors, then a couple for firemen just push the doors
to get in, but
break his neck on the meantime. Both Mason and George cringe)

MASON: You were right, it was the banana peel
BLUE GUY: (walks behind them) Dude that is fucked up. wait a sec, is that
me?
MASON: Yeah. Sorry man youre dead

BLUE GUY: (looks gobsmaked) No way. Ah I just got paid, Ah man this sucks
MASON: do you live alone?

(looks at Mason well shocked)

(VO) (George enters his flat)It had a poorly ventilated third world youth
hostel kind of
charm, at least there weren't any bodies and of all the various of sundry
stains none of
them were of blood or gore. (goes over to bed and takes the sheets off to
wash them)I was
thankful for the little things. (in the laudry room) It was official, I was
on my own. I
was dead nay Un-dead and not only did I have to find a job, I had to do
laundry, this was
my so-called afterlife, hypnotised by the soapy swirl of all tempurature
cheer, it occured
to me if I was alive and well my mom would be washing my shets. They would
magically
re-appear on my bed, crisp, clean and tucked into the matress, those days
were over, It
was all over (George standing outside the Lass's home. The mother is having
a garage sale
where she is getting rid of George's things)That didn't make it easier to
move on, even
though life had moved on without me (George sees her mother, who is sitting
down) I felt
like a pervert peeping in from the shadows, I could see her, but she
couldn't see me

GEORGE: Goddamn, she's selling my shit
JOY: Can I help you?
GEORGE: (she picks up Frank'n'fruity) How much?
JOY: That shouldn't be out here
GEORGE: It's got a sticker on it. Seventy... seventy five you were going to
sell
frank'nfruity for 75cents?

(VO) Who said you can't put a price on childhood memories
JOY: It's a mistake, it's not for sale
GEORGE: Why not?
JOY: Because I changed my mind
GEORGE: I'll give you five bucks for it
JOY: I told you, it's not for sale
GEORGE: It's just a stupid toy
JOY: It was my daughter's. She's dead. Now give me the fucking doll

(snatches it off her and walks away)

(VO) I never heard my mom use the F word before. My ears were actually
ringing

(George follows her)
GEORGE: Where did she get it?
JOY: What?
GEORGE: Frank'n'fruity, Ive been looking for one for a long time, where did
she get it?
JOY: She got it at a yard sale, when she was a little girl. I doubt if they
make them any
more, try ebay
GEORGE: How did your daughter die?
JOY: I don't think I want to have this conversation with you
GEORGE: Well, what was she like?
JOY: (stops what she is doing) Why do you care?
GEORGE: I just think it is cool that she had the doll 'as all I mean.
frank'n'fruity is the
shit
JOY: She drove me crazy if you want to know the truth
GEORGE: What?
JOY: She was stubborn. I think that was only because she was smart, probably
too smart.
She figured a lot of things out way before her friends, that's for sure. we
never really
got along. I don't think I was a very good mother. You want the goddamn doll
so bad(she
gives it to her)you can have it, but only until you find your own - I want
this back,
understood?
(George nods)
JOY: 5 dollars
GEORGE: It says 75 cents
JOY: You offered me five dollars, you'll get it back when I get my doll back
(they exchange the items. George just looks at frank'n'fruity and remembers)
JOY: You need to leave now, your making me tired
GEORGE: Bye

(VO) It was the longest conversation I had with my mother since I started
having my period.
(back at the apartment, lying on the bed, staring at Frank'nfriuty) and she
didn't even
know it was me (a spring just pops out of the bed, George just turns over)


Transition
Mason picking a lock of a door. Opens it

(her mother's voice and the sound of curtain's opening) Get up
MASON: Come on (shakes her awake)
GEORGE: Mom?
MASON: No, I'm not your mother
GEORGE: Fuck
MASON: What?
GEORGE: I was hoping that it was all a dream
MASON: You go get dressed
(pulls a jacket out of her bag that is on her bed, looks at it, throws puts
the covers
back over her head and the bag falls on the floor)


Transition
At the Waffle Haus. George is circuling a job in career opportunities,
Roxie, Rube and
Betty are there too

RUBE: Get yourself a place to stay?
GEORGE: Yeah
BETTY: I found a new place too
ROXIE: Oh yeah?
BETTY: Very nicely equipped, all the amenities, a jacuzzi tub, walk in
closet with shoes
for days and this crazy kingsize bed
RUBE: It's all about the matteress
(Roxie looks unimpressed)
BETTY: Simmons, Terrace Hill, for the infirm
ROXIE: You bitch
BETTY: Babies don't sleep that good, they can't afford to

(Mason comes in and pulls up a chair)

MASON: So did the waitress come back?
(Betty shakes her head)
MASON: Damn I am thirsty. You dont mind, do you? (takes Betty's drink,
starts drinking,
Betty pulls a face)
RUBE: Banana bonanzas all round
GEORGE: Actually I was going to have....
ROXIE: The man said banana bonanzas all around
GEORGE: Banana bonanza and can I have orange juice
MASON: ... and some water
Three high-pitched sneezes from Betty
ROXIE: Bless you
Excuse me (touches her nipples) Do your nipples go hard when you sneeze?
GEORGE: errrr.. I don't know
BETTY: Mine do. I could poke my eye out, and your's?
ROXIE: like little diamonds
RUBE: Mine are always hard, Im not sure why
(hands out post-its)
ROXIE: I already did this guy
RUBE: That was senior, this is junior
ROXIE: Oh, that's sad
MASON: They should have died together, saved you a journey
ROXIE: really though (puts the post-it in her hat)
RUBE: So peanut, you feel like you can take a soul today?
GEORGE: Not really
RUBE: That's too bad(gives her a post-it)
(takes the post it. )
ROXIE: Time to bust that cherry

Transition
A sign saying "track 2 Gate B"
(VO)To be or not to be, that's the question and for one unlucky passenger on
postal link
express, it turns out I have the answer

GEORGE: How do I know which one?
RUBE: Car six, seat four, traveling alone. Once they take their seat, make
sure they stay
there(walk along in silence as the tannoy goes off)
RUBE: ETD is 7.27 so Its going to be a violent one so make sure you pop the
soul before things
get messy
GEORGE: How violent?
RUBE: Wear a seatbelt
GEORGE: Do trains have seatbelts?
RUBE: You know I don't think they do
GEORGE: I'm going to vomit (crouches down. Rube sitting down on the bench)
RUBE: Well the first one is never easy. I remember mine, damn fool blur
ready nearly blew
my head head off, it took me half hour I could find a peice big enough to
pull the soul
out of
GEORGE: What happens if something goes wrong?
RUBE: Well look at it this way, youre already dead
GEORGE: It's so not funny
RUBE: You'll be fine, just do everything that I showed you and I'll see you
at the next
stop, right up here (George gets on the train)
GUARD: All aboard

(VO) I was on auto pilot, everytime my body took a step my mind screamed for
it to stop
and run the other way but I kept walking. I wondered which one it was going
to be and how
they were planning to get home from the train station, were they going to
take a taxi, or
was a loved one supposed to pick them up. If I have one wish, it would be
that the person
sitting in car six, seat four would be detained by a security firm
possession of narcotic
substances, anything that might not get them on the train (lady walks in) No
such luck, we
have a winner. I immediately started to begin to fanatasize about what a
bitch she was,
how everybody hated her or that she was barren, had no children to love her,
then this
happened. (from behind this lady stands a little girl with a pet frog in a
container)
Her name is kirsty
(from outside) All aboard

(VO) She's in kindergarten, she loves drawing and playing with lego, her
favourite food is
french fries and apple sauce and she has to die

(the train pulls off and Rube walks away from the train, he is driving on
the rain to catch
up to the train)

(VO) This is why having a destiny sucks. I stared at the back of her seat to
what seemed
like hours thinking about all the things I would rather be doing like having
a root canal
or a pap smear or going to church

GUY IN SEAT: It sure beats flying, don't it?
What? oh yeah I guess
GUY IN SEAT: You know all the tequila in Mexico couldn't get me on a plane.
Now there was
a time when I was about your age.....
GEORGE: I can't talk to you right now, I'm praying
GUY IN SEAT: Oh
(he sits back round and George looks out of the window and she sees a
graveling. She hears
it scrambling across the roof)

(VO) If only I could just close my eyes and wish this all away, wish it into
the cornfield
or whatever. I'd open my eyes and I'd start over, i'd do everything right. I
wouldn't drop
out of college, I wouldn't work at some crappy temp job and I wouldn't die
(George gets up and starts walking towards Kirsty, she puts her hand out to
take her soul,
then she remembers how she was reaped (clip of pilot) and she can't do it
and sits down
next to her)
GEORGE: Hi
KIRSTI: Do you work for the railroad?
GEORGE: No
KIRSTI: I'm not supposed to talk to you unless you work for the railroad
GEORGE: Okay, I work for the railroad
KIRSTI: Where's your uniform?
GEORGE: It's at the cleaners. It's okay. What's your name?
KIRSTI: Kirsti

(VO) I didn't know what to say after that, I mean it's not as if it is
covered in Seasame
Street, so I asked
GEORGE: You ever been to Seaworld?(shakes her head no)Magic Mountain?
(shakes her head no)
Disneyland?
KIRSTI: (nods in agreement) I like Donald Duck
GEORGE: Yeah me too. You know how when you spend all day at the park getting
on all the
rides and you don't want to stop and then your parents say it's time to go
home, only
your'e not ready yet, you just want to go on one more ride, but you can't
and it's not
fair and youre pissed off.... is any of this making sense?
(shaked her head no again and George hears creaking. shows you the couplings
for the train
and Rube still driving)

GEORGE: Why don't you come sit with me?
TRAIN PORTER: Miss, everything alright?
GEORGE: Yes we're just changing seats
TRAIN PORTER: You know this little girl?
KIRSTI: I don't know her
TRAIN PORTER: Maybe you should both go back to your assigned seats
KIRSTI: NO. She should come sit with me (the couplings separate and the two
carts come
apart. Everyone starts to panic and scream George grabs Kirsty and puts her
in a different
seat)

GEORGE: Sit down and hold on to something
KIRSTI: Mr Blinky!!(her frog is still by the other seat and the train is
travelling very
fast indeed, it comes to a corner and doesn't make it and tumbles down the
hill, into
trees)

TRAIN PORTER: Everyone okay? There was 10 passengers in this car. I'll count
you all off.
1, 2, 3, 4.....

(VO)Sweet Kirsti with her sweet baby doll dress and her patterned leather
Mary Jane's was
alive and well

TRAIN PORTER: 6,7,8,9

(VO)I secretly hoped that this sort of thing was grounds for termination

TRAIN PORTER: 10

(VO) and that was one more than it should be

TRAIN PORTER: We are all here

(all sitting on the round a fire)

(VO) Fortunately, the trauma of our collective near death experience kept
converation to
a minimum

TRAIN PORTER: We are probably not that far from highway 20. I'm sure rescue
team are on
their way. I suggest that we use this time to keep warm and count our
blessings.
(George starts to walk off)Miss? We should stick together
GEORGE: I have to pee
GUARD: Stay close
GEORGE: (goes out of view of the others) Rube where are you?
RUBE: Keep it down
GEORGE: You could have told me it was a little girl, you dick
RUBE: Well what difference does it make?
GEORGE: It makes all the difference. Why her?
RUBE: Why do you think? She showed up for her appointment
GEORGE: Well then you should have recheduled
RUBE: That's not how it works, you just can't change fate
GEORGE: (depressed) I did
RUBE: What did you do?(louder) What did you do?
GEORGE: She's not dead. I didn't remove her soul
RUBE: You mind telling me what you think you are doing?
GEORGE: I'm letting her live
RUBE: Cardinal rule. Everybody dies. Now you better march on over there and
take her soul
right quick
GEORGE: If you want her to die so bad, you do it
RUBE: I can't, no-one can, except you. Death is non tranferable, she's your
mark only you
can do the deed
GEORGE: well, baring all unforeseen accidents I'd say she's got another 80
years
RUBE: Well you believe me that's 80 years, she doesn't want
GEORGE: What is that supposed to mean?
RUBE: Her fate was seeled the moment she stepped onto that train, her soul
expired, you
know what happens if you keep a soul around after it's time?
GEORGE: No
RUBE: Same thing that happens to milk, spoils, goes bad. Souls goes bad in
all kinds of
ways
GEORGE: But...
RUBE: If you are having trouble comprehending the severity of the situation.
Why don't
you consult webster's on the definition of bad. If you don't take her soul
it's going to
wither and die and rot inside her, I've seen it happen. Do you wish to
condemn her to that?
GEORGE: She's just a little girl, she can't die, it's cruel
RUBE: It is cruel. It's cruel as she never know what life is really like,
It's cruel to
miss out on love and pain and beauty. Id say it to everyone in the world
except for her.
She won't give a rat's ass, she'll be doing something diffrent, that's just
the way it is

GEORGE: I just wanted to save her
RUBE: You can't. You can't save any of them. All you can ever hope to do is
make it easier
and that mighn't seem a lot but it is
(takes a deep breath)
RUBE: Go on
GEORGE: (gets to Kirsti) I don't know is this is what I'm supposed to say I,
I mean you.
Do me a favour, just close your eyes
(she closes them and George touches her forehead and takes her soul. The
little girl is
standing and George goes over to her and holds her hand and walks her down a
path)

GEORGE: We are going for a ride, okay?

(further up the path Rube comes to hold Kirsty's other hand. they all have
seen the lights
coming for Kirsti)
GEORGE: Wait
RUBE: You cant go whether she's going
GEORGE: What is it?
RUBE: It's not for us to know
(Rube puts his arm around her and they start walking away)

(VO) As we walked into the dark unknown or whatever you want to call it, I
thought "Is this
it? is this who I am? Am I really a grim reaper?(camera to Joy walking into
Reggie's room
and tucking her into her bed as she is sleeping, she closes the window and
the curtain and
leaves the room. George is sitting in the closet) I think for me death was
just a wake-up
call

END CREDITS

Écrit par superxfan pour Dead Like Me HypnoSéries.