CREDITS
The American flag and the cadet flag is flying. cadet army camp. George is
watching them, she has a cup of coffee in her hand.
(VO) When I was alive I never bought the whole "straighten up and fly right
routine", I hated being told what to do (cadets marching) so it's pretty
strange that now my job is to give everyone else thier marching orders
Cadets going over the monkey bars
:chant: I don't know what I've been told :chant:
sure I wanted to be a superhero when I was a kid but only the guys
superheroes that got cool costumes and massive capes and scary masks and
stuff. (cadets climbing over the assault course wall and George looking up
at them) all Wonderwoman got were hooker boots and a bathing suit, what the
fuck was that all about?
:chant: My mom's a whore, my dad likes porn :chant:
(Cadets repeat it)
:chant: My sister blows my brother's horn :chant:
(VO) Ahh the gentle art of poetry (George holds onto her morning coffee)
DRILL SERGANT: (shouts) Alright let's go, move it, move it, move it, pick up
your feet. (to a female cadet) Go move it (she stops at the wall) Up and
over, up and over. (the drill sergent comes over) You wanna fly with the
brotherhood of eagles or slither with the worms
FEMALE CADET: (shouts) Sir,I wanna fly with the eagles, sir
SARGENT:(shouts) Well let me see you up and over that wall cadet, now
FEMALE CADET: (she takes a deep breath) I have to go to the bathroom sir
SARGENT: (shouts) I bet you do Monteleone, the idea if that wall scaring the
piss out of you?
(George looks at her post-it. It says J. Monteleone, 1047 Freret, ETD
8:47am)
MONTELEONE: (shouts) No sir, no fear sir
SARGENT: (shouts) We've never had a girl scale that wall before Monteleone,
I'm sure we never
will
MONTELEONE: Sir, will scale the wall, sir
SARGENT: You show these boys you mean bisuiness. (shouts) Dismiss
(she start running towards the vehicle that George is standing by, and
throws up. George comes over to her, George takes a sip of her coffee)
MONTELEONE: I'm not scared of heights, I just have to catch my breath. I'm
going to be the first girl over that wall
GEORGE: Huhh, even if it kills ya huh?(she brushes her arm as she speaks)
MONTELEONE: Who the hell are you?
GEORGE: I'm just taking a tour, I think I might want to enlist
MONTELEONE: You don't enlist, you enrol
GEORGE: Mmmm
MONTELEONE: Anyway, you should, it changed my life
(runs off to do the wall)
GEORGE: You have know idea
MONTELEONE: (shouts) Permission to kick some ass now sir
(VO) She's feisty, that one, I'm kinda rooting for her
SARGENT: Move it girly. Up and over that wall now, move it, move it, move it
(VO) Come on, here we go, you can do it
(a graveling is at the top of the wall she slips slightly)
(VO) Owch!
(the other cadets are laughing in the background)
SARGENT: Come on pick yourself up. Go, you can do it
(the graveling is looking down at Monteleone. She makes it to the top,
everyone applauds, she cheers)
GEORGE: (looks impressed) Woah, good for you
(as she is jumping she puts her foot in the rope)
MONTELEONE: First girl to the top of this wall, whooo (the graveling comes
along and grabbs the end of the rope and swings down the wall and Monteleone
follows, breaking her nechk in the process)
(VO) and not so good
(everyone runs to help the girl but her soul is standing beside George)
MONTELEONE: Did you kill me?
GEORGE: No, I took your soul before you died, think of me as one of death's
little lieutenants
MONTELEONE: So youre dead too?
GEORGE: Dead and buried. So who genned up are you to be in this place, burn
your parents house down?
MONTELEONE: I had to do ace four tests to get in here. I was selected
GEORGE: Well I was selected too
MONTELEONE: Why?
GEORGE: I don't know
(they are walking away from the scene)
MONTELEONE: So do you have any super powers? Can you fly?
GEORGE: No. No flying, no leaping of buildings, (looks back) no climbing
walls, but we can drink as much tequila as we want without getting hung over
MONTELEONE: That's pretty cool
Transition
At Der Waffle Haus, Mason is sitting across from Daisy, She is listening.
Yodeling background music.
MASON: Right, one more time, this is the story
DAISY: I broke up with Ray. That's our story
MASON: But I hit him over the head with a blunt object
DAISY: Our story is, I dumped him
MASON: I dumped him in your back yard in a shallow grave
DAISY: Is that what you want me to tell Rube? It's fine
MASON: When you have to lie, you have to remember shit and I really, really
hate remembering shit
DAISY: The key to successful lying is to to tell a simple yet elegant story,
alright it' like a little black dress, Short, simple, classic, unforgetable
MASON: Bowling! I'll say I went bowling at the weekend, when I was supposed
to be (whispers) killing Ray
DAISY: That is neither simple nor elegant
MASON: Oh
DAISY: Alright this is not a joke, we killed a man
MASON: It was self-defense - the first blow to the head was self defense.
The three other blows after that were probably a little bit murdourous
but...
DAISY: You trying to be funny?
MASON: Yeah, no, I don't know, sure why not
DAISY: I haven't slept a wink since it happened, I'm totally on egde, my
nerves are torn and fried
MASON: Oh my god, why didn't you say something earlier, I reaped this junkie
housewife last week, and I hit the motherload. Look, (pulls out a bottle)
Diazepam and Lorazepam this is a gorilla tranquillizer that is really
fabulous
DAISY: Mason I don't want to numb right now, we need to deal with this
(Kiffany come over)
KIFANY: Coffee?
DAISY: Yes please, and keep it coming Kiffany
MASON: Hello Kiffany, did you have a good weekend? I had a brilliant
weekend. I went bowling.(Daisy looks exhasperated) I'm a big bowler, I'm a
great bowler, I was rolling, I was throwing, pins were flying fucking
everywhere, they were (starts stammering) I bowled a 360 (Daisy plops her
head on the table)
KIFFANY: Good for you (and she walk off)
(gets some tablets out of the container)
MASON: Youve wound me up now
(Daisy gets up and starts to walk out)
MASON: Youre going, please don't go
DAISY: Don't be clingy, it's unattractive, I'm going to powder my nose
CLANCY: Morning
DAISY: Yes it is
(the camera stays on Clancy and Reggie)
REGGIE: Dad, ewww
CLANCY: How are your pancakes?
REGGIE: I should have got waffles
(she sips her drink)
CLANCY: Reggie, don't try to drink coffee
REGGIE: I like it, mom lets me
CLANCY: You know who used to really love coffee?
REGGIE: Two sugars and a little milk
CLANCY: You sure youre going to be okay after school?
REGGIE: Yes!
CLANCY: Because I can call your mom and have her come home early
REGGIE: Don't
CLANCY: Or call the baby sitter
REGGIE: Alison Alberts's been staying home since the fifth grade
CLANCY: I think I should call your mom and ask
REGGIE: She won't care, believe me
(Kiffany comes by)
KIFFANY: Anything else for you today?
CLANCY: Just the cheque please
KIFFANY: Thank you
Roxy and Rube walk in, Roxy goes to the table and Rube stops at the other
table where Clancy and Reggie are sitting
KIFFANY: Good morning
(Rube stops at their table)
RUBE: How's the coffee for you today?
REGGIE: A little weak
(smiles and goes back to the other table. Clancy moves the mug away from
her. Camera goes to where Mason and Roxy are sitting. Rube looks at his
watch)
ROXY: Are you sitting or just standing guard?
RUBE: Were moving
ROXY: You love this booth
RUBE: Call me crazy, I need a little natural like light today, over by the
window, come on, march
(they get up and to go to the other table)
ROXY: Where's Daisy?
MASON: I don't know, how am I supposed to know that, how am I to know
everything? I can't remember everything, I actually can't remember anything,
how should I know? back the fuck up Roxy, jesus fucking christ.
RUBE: Where is she?
MASON: Bathroom
(Mason has a cup of coffee in his hand)
RUBE: Hit the bottle already?
MASON: Coffee
RUBE: Irish?
MASON: I'm English
ROXY: So what's the deal with Daisy and this Ray guy, that dead and buried?
(Mason spurts his coffee all over Rube)
MASON: Dammnit, my favourite fucking pants, my shirt, what the fuck is the
matter with you?
MASON: I'm terribly, terribly sorry
(Roxy picks up a serviette, spits on it and wipes to clean off the coffee)
RUBE: Is that neccessary?
ROXY: Saliva has enzymes, breaks this shit down
(Rube spots George coming in the door and shouts over)
RUBE: We're over here,(more urgent)We're over here, atta girl. (Clancy and
Reggie walk behind her to pay the cheque) How did the early reap go?
GEORGE: Good, militant, depressing
ROXY: Another young one?
GEORGE: Yeah, strong and motivated. Reaping a winner makes me feel like a
loser, I mean I'm not a loser, I'm just, you know, alone and dead. Did
anyone here serve in ther milatary?
(Mason nods)
RUBE: No nobody here did (watching Clancy and Reggie walking out the door)
ROXY: I think Daisy serviced the army (she laughs at her own joke)
MASON: I dont care for that kind of joke
ROXY: You are that kind of joke and since and when are you Daisy's defender?
MASON: Since always
GEORGE: Where is Daisy anyway? If she is in some serious fucking trouble
MASON: She didn't do it
(Roxy looks shocked)
ROXY: Do what?
MASON: She do that, what you said she did
GEORGE: Well somebody tracked mud into the house and it wasn't me
DAISY: And good morning to you all
(grits his teeth) It's a jolly good day, isn't it
DAISY: Yeah
RUBE: Give her your chair
(Mason gets up and lets her sit down)
ROXY: What the jolly hell is up with you too
MASON: Alright, that's enough,(slams another chair down) I was bowling, all
weekend. I'm in a bowling league did you know that? and you can ask my
fucking freind Lester
ROXY: Why would I do that?
(hands post-its out)
RUBE: For you,(to Roxy) for you(to George) and for you (to Mason)
MASON: My post-it's purple
ROXY: I have multiples, whats all that about
RUBE: Affirmative action
ROXY: Hardy har har
RUBE: Well you better hope the coffee comes out of these pants, these I
value a little more than you my freind
(he walks off)
MASON: My post-it's purple
GEORGE: Ha
RUBE: (he comes back) Youre on my list Mason
MASON: What list wha wha-wha-wh wh-what list?
GEORGE: My reap this morning asked me what I did on my last day on earth my
answer was so fucking boring I could have died... again
ROXY: Why what was it?
GEORGE: I filed
ROXY: Isn't that what you do now?
GEORGE: If I had know my last day on this earth I would have....I have no
idea
MASON: Would you have gotten really drunk and high?
GEORGE: No
ROXY: I would have found that bitch that killed me and I would have...
MASON: Killed her?
ROXY: Punished her, big time
DAISY: I would have got engaged, I always would have wanted someone to slip
a pretty little diamond ring on my finger
(picks up the post-it)
MASON: I have a purple post-it
GEORGE: Purple was my favourite colour when was a kid
DAISY: Purple is the color of royalty and extravagance
MASON: Have you had a purple post-it - have you guys had a purple post-it?
ROXY: Just ask Rube about it
MASON: I will
DAISY: Don't
(he looks at her)
MASON: I will
GEORGE: Daisy, you tracked mud in the house, what were you doing that was so
muddy?
(shouts loudly)
MASON: Bowling!
DAISY: I'll just clean it up, I'm leaving, okay?
(picks up the milk jug)
GEORGE: There's no milk left
MASON: Ive got a purple post-it
(VO) Nothing lasts forever, this was a lesson I learned over and over again
Transition
At Happy Time
(VO) At Happy Time, at a temp agency people definitely come and go, in fact
most days you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a fucking goodbye party
MILLIE: Another office farewell Delores?
DELORES: Yes can you believe Brian is leaving us already? Only the good go
so quickly
MILLIE: You dont have to tell me (she follows Delores into the store
cupboard where the pinata. Misty is already in the cupboard)
MISTY: Nice save Millie
DELORES: Yeah, that could have been ugly
MISTY: Yeah the attack of the killer pinata
(Delores and Misty laugh)
MISTY: Misty can you get me my stepladder, pumpkin?
(VO) Pumpkin? She's your pumpkin?
DELORES: Nice hustle Misty (to Millie) Team player. So Millie, can you help
me with party prep, I know it's not really youre thing but that bean dip
isn't going to layer itself
MILLIE: Dolores don't you think just a good hearty (she puts her hand out)
handshake and "get out" will be good enough?
DELORES: Millie! Brian is hanging up his Happy Time hat and riding off into
the sunset and I expect the appropriate show of emotion
MILLIE: I'm sorry Delores, I just can't get it up for every Tom, Dick and
Brian who decide to move on
(guy walks in) Hey that's not a very nice thing to say
MISTY: Well if it makes a difference, I'm really going to miss you (she runs
over and gives him a really big kiss)
MILLIE: Err Misty, that's not Brian
MISTY: Oh sorry (pats him on the chest and waks off back into the room)
DELORES: Shame on you Ron (Ron leaves the doorway and Brian comes and leans
on the frame)
BRIAN: I'm Brian and I'm really going to miss you too Misty
MISTY: (looks sultry) Thank you (links his arm and leaves)
DELORES: Look Millie, I really need your help, I have a lunch date, and I
need to get things ready quickly so can you pretend to care?
MILLIE: What kind of lunch date?
DELORES: love dot com, I'm back online Milie, his name's Lionel, smart,
driven, (wafts her top as if to be flustered) types like a jackal
MILLIE: Well I'm really happy for you Delores
DELORES: I just don't want to look back one day and say "What if"
MILLIE: No (shakes her head, Delores takes the pinata out with her)
(VO) As if you went out to lunch one day and never came back? It was almost
enough to understand the stupid stupid fuss over goodbye party (trying to
reach up but the hats and the plastic blow up cactus come down)
(VO) Almost
Transition
Roxy and Mason are at a rally, Mason has two cups in his hand. People with
green t-shirts and foam green hands. They are cheering for the Sea Turtles.
MASON: Why am I here again?
ROXY: Hold this.
MASON: Oh so I'm you coffe bloody table
ROXY: If I say so (she is looking through her post-its)
MASON: What is this? cricket? tennis? football? what are you people, frogs?
FROM THE CROWD: (shouts) We're Sea turtles. (everyone joins in) Seas
turtles, yeah
MASON: fucking hell!!
ROXY: Give'em a little ra-ra-ra while I reap-reap-reap. Wait here (Roxy goes
on the bus and Mason stands there,the girl in the back has a sign saying
"Turtles go all the way".Mason sniffs the air and the camera fast-tracks him
walking to the other side of the bus where there the sea turtle mascot and
the driver are having a joint)
DRIVER: Sea turtles freak me out
MASCOT: Me too (Mason holds up the cups he has in his hands so the driver
lets him take a drag of it)
DRIVER: A friend of mine, swimming across this creek and got his balls
snapped off by a sea turtle (the driver lets the mascot take a drag)
MASON: (with a strained voice) Sea turtles don't swim in the creek, they
swim in the sea
DRIVER: Well these are devious little fuckers dude, devious (the mascot puts
his head on)
MASON: (slow and steady words coming out as he's talking the smoke comes out
of the tmascot) the interesting part of that story is that your friend got
his nuts clamped by a creature, yeah, a sea creature
DRIVER: I drive better when I'm high
MASON: I bet you do
(underneath the bus is a graveling, the driver drops his butt end and the
gravling picks it up and takes a drag of it says "eeee" then coughs and
throws it away)
MASON: Bye (Mason goes back round just to see Roxy coming off the bus)
ROXY: Hey you never told me what happened to Daisy and Ray, like post mortem
(a sea turtle gets on board the bus as he passes Roxy slides her hand down
his back and takes his soul)
MASON: (gives a nurvous laugh) finished, ended, period
(high fives a woman)
ROXY: I thought she was in lllove
(high fives a man)
MASON: Oh Sea turtles, yeah you kill 'em. She dumped him
ROXY: Why?
MASON: She's secretly in love with me
ROXY: Now that I do not follow
ROXY: (a turtle accidentally bumps into Roxy) Go turtles
TURTLE: (shouts) SNAP!
(clicks her fingers - the turtle, Roxy and Mason fast-track through the bus
as they are going, Roxy is taking their souls. Both of them let themselves
through the back of the bus, as Mason closes the door the graveling puts
its hands and feet on the window as if to be peering out to the reapers)
Transition
Reggie is skidding in her sock with a large tub of ice-cream in her hand and
JD following also with socks on.
REGGIE: What do you want to dotoday? We're all alone, This means rocky road,
youre favourite
(JD groans - there is a bang on the door, it's Clair)
CLAIR: Reggie!
(he barks)
REGGIE: JD Shhh
(she goes to answer the door)
CLAIR: Reggie can you open up?
(Clair bangs on the door more urgently, she opens the door)
REGGIE: Hi Mrs Hannigan
CLAIR: Hi, call me Clair (invites herself in)
REGGIE: Why?
CLAIR: Because I asked you to dear, I didn't see your mom come home and I
heard the music, I just wondered if everything was alright
REGGIE: She's visiting my Grandma and I'm allowed to be alone, she'll he
home tonight
(JD is eating the ice cream)
CLAIR: Oh no, should he be eating that? Dogs don't do well with chocolate
REGGIE: It's low fat
CLAIR: Sweetheart I know how painful divorce can be so if you ever feel
isolated, you knock on my door, just don't take my toilet seat
REGGIE: Can you close the gate so JD doesn't get out
(JD is up on the chair eating the ice cream that Reggie has put on the
table)
CLAIR: Are you sure you wanna let him eat that, that's very bad for dogs
(Reggie heads to the back door)
REGGIE: Thanks for stopping by Clair (she leaves but still looks concerned
about the dog)
Transition
At Happy time they are preparing for the leaving party of Brian. Delores,
Crystal and Millie are chatting.
MILLIE: What kind of food is this?
DELORES: Frontier I was up all night simmering these franks and beans had a
real scare with Murray with a teeny peice of weeny, had to heimlich the poor
guy (Delores tastes the food, Millie looks at it in distain) Crystal how are
the beans? (Crystal gives the thumbs up)
CYRSTAL: Great!
(Brian come in)
MILLIE: Brian!
(they pull faces at each other)
DELORES: Brian! it's supposed to be a surprise, get out
BRIAN: Sorry Delores I just wanted to say thank you, when I left Pizza Hut
all they gave me was a small meat lover supreme and my name tag. This-this
means so much to me. I'm gonna....(Delores shoos him away, he looks sheepish
and leaves)
MILLIE: He's so full of shit
DELORES: Youre so cynical
MILLIE: Because he's a turd
(crystal farts as she is eating - they look behind her and wonder)
DELORES: What do you have against Brian?
MILLIE: Because when I first met him, here's how he shook my hand (puts her
hand out to Crystal) hold out your hand, pretend youre me (gives a
half-hearted handshake) Exactly, ever since then I haven't trusted him and
you know what they say about people with weak handshakes
DELORES: Small gloves?
MILLIE: Don't trust 'em
DELORES: You know what Millie, people have one chance to make a first
impression and one chance to have a last, the way we say goodbye to people
matters, people remember their last and Brian's going to remember his last
and you can be a part of it or not
MILLIE: Clammy handshakes, gives me the fucking creeps (Crystal pus out her
hand to be shook)
Nice Crystal. Dry strong, trustworthy, loyal (she looks at her hand)
Transition
At Der Waffle Haus. Mason with his hand up and Kiffany looking at it
KIFFANY: What is on your hand? Motor oil? peanut butter? that is one filty
paw
MASON: Come on it's only blood, it's not as if it's mine. please Kiffany
read it, read it Kiffany read it it please, Kiffany, Kiffany
KIFFANY: No
MASON: George sys youre a palm reader, she said youre...psychotic
KIFFANY: I'm not pyschic
MASON: I think you are
KIFFANY: I have tables
MASON: I'll give you ten bucks
(fishes around in his pocket)
KIFFANY: You only have two in your pocket
(brings out two dollars - he looks amazed)
MASON: Wow! Is it my last day?
KIFFANY: If I don't take care of my customers, it's gonna be mine
(leaves, Mason looks down at his plate to see a cookie, he looks over to as
waitress who is taking out the last doughnut and putting it onto a plate,
another waitress who is pouring out the last lot of coffee, the camera goes
to two customers where the man takes the last serviette and the girl
finishes off her chocolate milk. A woman with a yellow tshirt with the words
"Good" and a smilie winking, passes him. as she walks by, he sees that one
the back says "Bye" with a sad smilie. Kiffany comes back)
KIFFANY: On your last day on earth, they say you'll see a cresent moon in
the daylight, you see a crescent moon? All I see it the same old overcast
sky (Mason breaths a sigh of relief and turns back to his plate and sees a
half eaten cookie, in the shape of a crescent moon and his face drops)
Transition
At George and Daisy's home. The camera is on Mr Frog and then pans round to
Daisy who is reading a magazine.
(there is a bang at the door)
ROXY: Open up, Police (more banging)
DAISY: (whispers) Roxy (she closes the magazine and answers the door) Dont
do that, to what do I owe the forced entry (Daisy closes the door)
ROXY: Police buisness. that was quite an impressive guy you were seeing,
fraud, assault, (Roxy gives her the file she has in her hand) bad hair cut
DAISY: Yeah, so he was a bad guy (looks to see the polive file on Ray
Summers) He's gone okay?
ROXY: The people on his job care, they reported him missing
DAISY: Well then he's no longer a threat to me
ROXY: Who said he was
DAISY: I'm done with him. If you don't mind I'd like to catch up on my
magazine so...
ROXY: (Roxy walks around) looks like dried blood
DAISY: We inherited this house from Mason and he inherited it from a dead
woman so that must have been from where she died
ROXY: Yeah maybe. You leave it there long enough, It'll last forever
DAISY: That rugs been there a long time Roxy (stare down)
ROXY: Haven't we all. See you 'round
Transition
At Happy Time. Crystal, Delores
DELORES: It's time. Who would like to tell Brian there's a "package" for him
MISTY: I will, I would love to show Brian there's a package waiting for him
to unwrap
DELORES: Millie! you tell him
(Millie is pushing her way through the Happy Time people, she has a party
cow girl hat on)
(VO) I don't know why I had such a bug up my ass about Brian's farewell
party, maybe its because I was regretting my own last day (opens the door
and sees...)Maybe it's because he was stealing Delores's wallet
BRIAN: I was just looking for a pen
MILLIE: In Delores's wallet?
BRIAN: (he points upwards) Look a terydactyl!
(she looks)
(VO) Please tell me I just didn't fall for that
He runs off, She starts chasing him - music like "The O K Corral" theme tune
plays as she runs, Brian is running on the opposite side of the office.
Brian jumps over some boxes and there is a neighing, Millie also jumps onto
the boxes and onto the partition of the cubicle where she lauches her self
to get Brian and pins him to the ground.
MILLIE: (she is victorious) Man down!
DELORES: Millie! What is going on?
MILLIE: (she turns him over) Why don't you ask Brian (she wallops him in the
chest, he still has the wallet in his hand, so she snatched it off him)
BRIAN: She attacked me
MILLIE: He was trying to steal your wallet
BRIAN: No, No, I wasn't
MILLIE: (she forcible gets her foot and puts it on his chest) Have you ever
heard a rib cracking Brian? It sounds real cool (rams her foot even harder
into his chest)
BRIAN: I stole, I stole it
(she picks him up by his tie)
MILLIE: Delores was trying to do something nice for you and you took
advantage (kicks him in the goolies) of her
BRIAN: (he recovers) I'm diabetic (everyone gasps)
MILLIE: So fucking what
BRIAN: I dont know
MILLIE: May I do the honors, Delores?
DELORES: Please, but watch the language
MILLIE: Get the eff out before I kick youre effing a again (pulls him with
his tie towards the door and he leaves) You know Delores, you think you know
someone
DELORES: I know, I had no idea he was a diabetic, I would have got him a
special cake (Millie looks flabbergasted)
Transition
An empty Rocky road tub and JD on the floor
Mom's going to be so pissed.(JD is whinning) yeah too much ice cream (he
throws up on the carpet) Oh JD, Oh I'm going to be in so much trouble! come
on youre going outside, Now!
Transition
A clown suit is on a lawn with a baseball bat and meter, and the church
album and Mason with his feet up on the table. There is someone standing by
him with a scythe, it looks like a reaper
WOMAN #1: How much?
MASON: I'm not going to let that go for any less than 20 dollars, that has
sentimental value, that has, It really does mean a lot to me, alright 15
dollars, (she looks at him stoney faced) bloody hell you drive a hard
bargain 10 dollars, hand it over and smile once in a while ooh come one you
lovely people get your bargains, everything must go. (a priest comes up to
him holding a bong) Father
PREIST: Hello. How much for the incense burner?
MASON: For you father, that incense burner is 5 dollars, may the lord bake
with you. Would you bless me?
PREIST: I don't think so
(walks off)
MASON: That seems fair (takes a swig of his bottle)
WOMAN #2: Excuse me
MASON: Coming Madam. (dashes over) Hello
Woman #2: So what are these holes?
MASON: This is a really bloody funny story right, they are actually gunshot
wounds and...actually that's really sad (ponders) I've got a really good
deal for you I'm going to give you all this set for 50 dollars and bargain
of the century I'm going to throw in Daa-daa The Kitchen guillotine now it
slices, it dices, it'll cut your bloody hand off, it will, yeah?
(she shakes her head and walks off) Come on! If it makes you feel any better
(there is a screach of tyres) was murdered on this matress was really
lovely, he was
SUBURBAN WOMAN: What is this? what are you doing?
MASON: Having a lawn sale
SUBURBAN WOMAN: It's my lawn
MASON: Since when has it illegal to have a lawn sale on somebody elses lawn?
SUBURBAN WOMAN: Since forever
MASON: Really? I'll give you the whole lot for 250 dollars
SUBURBAN WOMAN: I am calling the police (she gets the mobile phone from her
bag)
MASON: I don't need this shit (He takes a deep breath and runs)
Transition
Back at Happy Time. Delores is cutting the cake, the camera fasttracks so
that there is no more cake left.
MILLIE: Oh cake looked good, (slaps a piece onto the cake board) what kind
was it?
DELORES: German chocolate
MILLIE: They had coconut in Dodge City?
DELORES: I'm on a budget Millie and German chocolate is more than that
diabetic (lowers her voice) P-R-I-C-K deserved
MILLIE: At least he didnt get the money
DELORES: It's not about the money, It just wast the goodbye I had imagined
when Murray and I were up slaving away over this frosting last night (Millie
picks up some icing and lets it fall back down again) One of these days I'm
gonna have to bake a cake with your name on it
MILLIE: Oh I don't know
DELORES: I can't bear to think about it (she take a bit of chocolate and
licks it of her finger)
(she takes another lick, like she is really enjoying it)
(VO) I was beginning to understand why we mark every coming and going with a
party, we do it to sugarcoat the whole moving on thing, (walks to her
cubicle) I mean why say an actual goodbye to someone when it's so much
easier to just eat cake.
(Mason is sitting there, eating cake and spinning around in her chair)
MASON: Hello (he bangs his leg on the filing cabinet)
MILLIE: What are you doing here? and how did you get cake?
MASON: Crystal (he waves to her. She is with her boyfriend, they are having
cake together)
MILLIE: Why are you here?
MASON: I came to see your lovely face
MILLIE: I have work to do Mason, What do you need? money?
MASON: Of course I need money but that's not why I'm here
MILLIE: For what? drugs? booze? drugs and booze? (he sits on the desk)
MASON: Actually
MILLIE: Seriously Mason youre not supposed to be here so go AWAY
(moves him off the desk, he's about to leave)
MASON: Actually you know what? I'm going to stay and I wanna say something
to you and you got to listen (turns her chair to face him) you know this
morning? that you spent your last day on this earth, your very very last day
on earth, stapling
MILLIE: (she corrects him) Filing
MASON: My god that's even worse. You said you regretted it, didn't you?
MILLIE: Yeah of course, who gives a shit
MASON: My god I give a shit. Rube tells us to be on the periphery, keep
life, our family
MILLIE: yeah?
MASON: God, it's nonsense. You get close, George you get close to everybody
that ever meant anything to you
MILLIE: Have you been drinking?
MASON: Of course I have been bloody drinking and this last call you got to
drink up while you can (gives her a really big brotherly kiss on the lips) I
really love you Georgie. Let's go for a ride (spins her round, leaves as he
is passing a cubicle he picks up a newspaper and pick up someone bag)
(VO) I don't exactly know what Mason was talking about why I should get
close to people, why he told me loved me (fades into Mason standing outside
Der Waffle Haus with a guy passing him a bottle in a paper bag) Maybe it was
just the booze talking in vino veritas. (the elevator makes a "ping" noise,
where Millie is standing waiting to get in) I just knew it was time to check
in with my old life (she gets in, she presses the button an the lift door
closes)
Camera goes to the back of Beatrice Lane where Reggie is looking for the dog
REGGIE: (shouts) JD?
(VO) I knew it was time to go home
REGGIE: Where are you? Here boy, It's time to come home
Camera fades into Daisy laying on the couch with a pillow on her lap and a
tumbler in her hand, there is a knock at the door
DAISY: I'm not here
MASON: Well that's strange because I can hear your voice my darling
DAISY: You can't here me, your hearing voices in your head
(he comes in)
MASON: That my dear is so bloody true it's scary
DAISY: Not today Mason
MASON: Well today is the day it has to be, I'm afraid. Have a drink (sees
the bottle) Drink thanks (picks it up and takes a swig)
DAISY: Roxy knows about Ray
MASON: Shit how the hell did she know?
DAISY: She's smart, I think she knows something, I think someone knows
something
MASON: I don't bloody care, the deed is done
DAISY: You should care, it's a death without a post-it we've let lose some
kind of evil
(come round the other side of the couch and gives her a big hug)
MASON: Alright Daisy, Look at me. I did it and you didn't
DAISY: Well someones going to pay
MASON: You are so beautiful to look at
DAISY: ...and unlucky to know
(she takes a sip of her drink as Mason gets something out of his pocket)
DAISY: That's an engagement ring
(he laughs)
MASON: You wanted one so I got it for you on your little finger, on your
last day, here it is
DAISY: Are you trying to humiliate me?
MASON: No, never, it's a token, Daisy it's a token, from me, from my heart
to you, you is something permanant in this bloody world (she wipes a tear
away and takes the ring from the box)
DAISY: Mason I'm not this girl, I won't fall in love, that won't get married
and grow old with someone not with you or anyone. (she looks at the ring)
So I don't want your ring (she puts it back)
MASON: And I will never ever take it back (closes it and rests it on her
hand)
(she breaths a heavy sigh)
DAISY: Please go
(he leaves but is upset about it, so is she)
Transition
Outside the Lass home, Reggie is still looking for JD. George is standing
behind a tree.
REGGIE: JD?
(VO) I would never grow up and I would never get old but my sister, she was
changing, growing taller, moving on and it was kind of comforting. Death may
have found me but she seemed okay
GEORGE: Hey Charlie
CHARLIE: Toilet seat girl
GEORGE: Funny, what you doing here?
CHARLIE: You know. My job
(George looks over and sees a car that looks like it has breaed sudenly and
a man and a woman out of the car, she realises what is going on and dashes
towards Charlie)
GEORGE: No, (she runsover and grabs him) look I'll give you money, come on
kid, what do you want? You can't do this
CHARLIE: Too late
(Reggie walks out into the road to see what is going on. JD runs towards her
but the soul goes through her)
GEORGE: JD
(Reggie turns round as if she hears something, George quickly goes behind
the tree. Charlie takes JD off)
(VO) I shouldn't have come here. This was all my fault
Transition
Mason at Der Waffle Haus, he is stiring his tea with his purple post-it, he
looks at it.
MASON: Well this is it then
(takes a sip of his drink, gets some money from his pocket and puts it all
on the table, smiles and picks up the post-it and leaves)
Transition
George walks into the house where Daisy is still lying down on the couch
with the tumbler in her hand. George sits down on the chair
GEORGE: My dog died
DAISY: You don't have a dog
GEORGE: My family's dog died
DAISY: You don't have a family
GEORGE: Oh shut up Daisy
DAISY: It's just um... it's that kind of day so youre dog died
GEORGE: I don't know why I went back home, because Mason told me to
DAISY: You shouldn't listen to Mason, Mason doesn't know anything
GEORGE: It's all my fault
(Daisy finishes off what is in her glass and then gets up because her bottle
is empty)
DAISY: I don't think it is
GEORGE: Well whose fault is it?
(she is looking uner the kitchen sink for another bottle)
DAISY: Probably mine
(A graveling comes to the window and screeches, George looks shocked)
GEORGE: What is that?
DAISY: (shouts) GO AWAY, Ray go away
GEORGE: Daisy why is there a graveling?
DAISY: Mason killed Ray
GEORGE: So Mason had his post-it?
DAISY: No-one had a post-it, there was no post-it and bad things have been
happening today and it's all my fault, so I'm sorry about your dog babe,
it's my fault (walks off with a fresh bottle of alcohol)
transition
Reggie is holding a picture of JD and is being comforted by Clancy
CLANCY: What can I do for your sweetie?
REGGIE: Nothing
CLANCY: How about some ice cream?
REGGIE: No, I want mom
CLANCY: She'll be back soon
REGGIE: She's going to kill me
CLANCY: No-one is killing anyone, it wasn't your fault sweetie (squeezes her
arm for support)
REGGIE: It's Clair's fault
CLANCY: What? Clair from next door? (Reggie picks up JD's collar up)
REGGIE: She left the gate open
CLANCY: I'm gonna kill her
(Reggie puts the picture to her and her dad strokes her hair, they hug)
Transition
there are some rustling and Mason comes out of some trees that are hanging
down he fights to get through - he comes out to a lake where a man is
crouching by the lake and is cleaning a fish
MAN: Hey there stranger
MASON: Hello
MAN: Can I interest you in the catch of the day
MASON: No thank you. This smells good though whatever this is
MAN: Well have a seat, I got lots of room, I've got lots of food, it's the
second rule of back packing, you always bring enough for a friend
MASON: Yeah and what's the first rule?
MAN: That you make a friend (stretches out his hand to be shook) I'm Brett
Tenembaum
MASON: I'm Mason, nice to meet you
(he looks at the post-it)
BRETT: Well Mason, the house speciality tonight is chicken noodle soup
and.... well that's it
MASON: Good (little laugh) looks good
BRETT: Are you coming or going?
MASON: I'm not sure
BRETT: Yeah sometimes all this beauty does that to me too. The great
outdoors has a way of scrambling your brain
MASON: Brett I have done most of my brain scrambling indoors (there is a
noise from the woods) are you scared of wild animals?
BRETT: No, not really scared of anything
MASON: (whispers) You should be, (puts down the cup) mmm delicious (he
brings a small bottle of alcohol)
BRETT: No thank you
MASON: (takes a swig) mmm lovely. So youre not scared of anything?
BRETT: Well I won't go swimming once it's dark, it's kinda spooky
MASON: Yeah, spooky man, spooky. What if I were to tell you this was your
last day on earth, What would you say?
BRETT: Why I would say that is a very strange question
MASON: What would you say?
BRETT: Well I would say I would sit under the wide open sky and I would fish
and I would go for a swim before it got dark which is exactly what I'm going
to do today
MASON: It's your last day on earth
BRETT: (he picks up an axe) Do you want to tell me what the hell you are
talking about
MASON: It's my last day too
Transition
Camera goes to a dusk skyline, then Roxy looking over the case file for Ray
Summers at Der Waffle Haus as Kiffany passes her
(Roxy jumps)
KIFFANY: What can I get you this evening
ROXY: I'll have a scotch
KIFFANY: I wish I could sweetheart
ROXY: Coffee then please
(Kiffany gets the coffee pot and she raises up her cup to fill up)
KIFFANY: I don't know how you do it
ROXY: Do what?
KIFFANY: Your job, the scrawny one, he committed a lewd act today
ROXY: On who?
KIFFANY: On a perfectly innocent coconut cake
ROXY: I'll take care of it
KIFFANY: Well you know what they say, you don't get to pick your family
(she leaves)
ROXY: No
Transition
Mason with Brett, Brett has the post-it in his hand
MASON: There's your first intial, your last name the place and the time,
thats' all we get
BRETT: That's not allowed to go on
MASON: No it isn't, though there's a way of pointing things out quite simply
BRETT: Because a purple post-it note tells me that I'm going to die, no I
dont believe that
MASON: No, I don't understand this but they are not usually purple, they are
usually yellow
BRETT: And what do you think that means?
MASON: Fucked if I know but one thing I'm pretty sure of is that youre going
to die tonight and I'm so sorry
BRETT: So how am I going to die?
MASON: Wild animals? hunter? bad aim?
BRETT: I mean how am I going to die
MASON: With grace I suspect
(Mason strokes his arm and takes his soul)
BRETT: What did you just do?
MASON: Whatever happens to you tonight mate, you'll not feel a thing so
don't be afraid
BRETT: I'm not afraid, I just don't know what to hope for
MASON: Hope for another shot at it, a chance to do it all fucking unafraid
(there is rumbling in the background, Brett looks up to the sky)
BRETT: I'm going to go for a swim
(Brett gets up and walks passed the fire and starts to take his clothes off,
With Mason still sitting down he starts taking his shoes off, Brett already
has taken his clothes off and is walking into the water. Lightening is in
the sky. Mason goes into the water as well with nothing on. A graveling sits
by the fire. A big crack of thunder goes to the ground)
Transition
Roxy and Rube anre sitting at the booth in Der Waffle Haus
RUBE: So what's the deal with this guy, do you think he's gone?
ROXY: He's gone, trust me
RUBE: I do not mind saying that I did not like this guy
ROXY: I'm thinking that you'll never have to see him again
(Daisy comes in and sits down)
DAISY: Never have to see who again
ROXY: Ray, he was last seen in Portland
DAISY: Portland
RUBE: So you're off the hook arn't you Daisy
DAISY: What does that mean?
RUBE: No more Ray to worry about
DAISY: That's right, no more Ray (she fixes her hair)
(George comes and sits down)
GEORGE: Morning
(tries to move Roxy over and Roxy pulls a face)
RUBE: Why the face?
GEORGE: Leave me alone
DAISY: Her family's dog died
RUBE: Oh I'm sorry
GEORGE: Thanks
RUBE: I'll ask you how you know that but...
GEORGE: ...but you won't
RUBE: Well maybe I'll ask you tommorow
GEORGE: Tommorow
(mason comes in and sits next to George)
RUBE: You look like youre at death's door, how did your reap go?
(he looks a bit red)
MASON: Swimmingly. Lake, lightening, (gives a re-enactment) man gone in an
instant
DAISY: Better him than you
MASON: Do you really think so?
DAISY: I do
MASON: I've got a question to ask you
RUBE: Shoot
MASON: You gave me a purple post it
RUBE: That's not a question
MASON: Why did you give me a purple post-it?
RUBE: They were out of yellow, so. For you (gives a purple post-it to Daisy)
for you (gives a purple post-it to Mason) You (gives post-it to George, Roxy
moves her hat) Have fun kiddies (Daisy moves out so Rube can leave, Daisy
sits back down)
DAISY: You should thank Roxy
MASON: Really why?
DAISY: Just thank her
MASON: Thank you
ROXY: Youre welcome
DAISY: Will you give me a ride to my reap?
ROXY: Sure but you have to sit at the back
DAISY: Okay (they all get up - George sits back down and Daisy goes over to
Mason)
I'll talk to you (gives him a reassuring squeeze and she leaves and Mason
sits back down and George ruffles his hair)
MASON: Could you buy me a coffee please, I have no money, I haven't got
anything
GEORGE: No problem
MASON: I have nowhere to stay
GEORGE: No problem
MASON: I have no idea how long I'll be staying
GEORGE: I know
(VO) So maybe we don't know what the exact sign will be that tells us for
moving on but there will be a last reap. (Camera changes to Daisy in her
room and she is putting on the ring that Mason had given her) Stop noticing
that's Rube says, that's how you survive, but Mason's right, what Rube says
is bullshit you should get close to every thing you care about. (camera goes
to Clancy leaving the Lass house, the back gate is open) things come and
go, (Clancy looking upset he closes the gate after him) people come and go
and maybe some of us learn to stop caring about it.
(camera change to where Mason is in a boat fishing) but I keep reaching out
even though my hand keeps getting slapped away. (camera changes to George
carrying a box up the stairs of Beatrice lane) When my sister was little she
used to close her eyes every tme she wanted to hide, she thought that made
her dissappear (she rings the doorbell and runs off and Reggie answers the
door) when you get older, you learn that closing your eyes just makes it
darker, you have to face everything, even death if you want to grow up
REGGIE: Hello Mr Frog
(Reggie looks around for George but can't see her. George smiles and drives
off)
END CREDITS
