Opens with fast motion in the offices of "Happy Time" Music sounds like
flight of the bumblebee), where a man licks an envelope closed and puts it
on the "out" pile.
Cuts to waitress from Der Waffle filling salt pots. Cuts to camera follows
crystal and then to the desk of the man where a pile of files are banged on
the desk.
Dolores and George (George looking really bored) walk into the collating
room
GEORGE (VO) A lot of people have some sort of internal to do list, they have
this compelling need to get things done but it's hard. When you have
finished one thing, it usually means that it is time to move onto the next
item on the list. The list never quite gets done. We are forever in a state
of unfinishedness.
DOLORES: .....And then you will the same thing for the section on filers,
clerks, executive assistants and when the new policy manuals are all
collated then I'll show you how to use the Bind-O-Matic. mm-mm we save mucho
dineros binding them in house. Do you have sticky fingers?
GEORGE: I'm pretty sure I don't.
DOLORES: Well you should they are your best friends for a job like this,
lucky for you I have another pair.
GEORGE: Lucky for me [smiles strainingly at the prospect]
DOLORES: (nasally) nuuuu. Well, silly. (sings) where is thumbkin?
[George puts a blue thumb thing on]
I envy you, collating is so Zen, so meditative I suppose it's the rhythmic
nature of repartition that frees the mind to think deep thoughts. It's like
sweeping - Whoosh, Do you know where I'm coming from?
GEORGE (VO) Jupiter?
GEORGE: I Do
DOLORES: You'll be amazed to discover how much of your busy bee hands have
accomplished
GEORGE: Bees don't have hands
GEORGE: No they don't do they but who does? You do. And you know what they
say about idle hands.
GEORGE (VO) They'll strangle the person who asks them to collate
DOLORES: Well, I'll leave you to it, Mizz busy bee.
[She leaves the room]
GEORGE (VO) With days of collating ahead of me, Dolores's Zen theory just
might be the way to get though it. Wax on, Wax off
gets a paper cut
George: Oww, Fuck me
GEORGE (VO) Good job reapers heal quickly
Dolores re-enters the room
DOLORES: I knew there was something else. More luck, because you now exceed
25 hours per week you qualify for our fabulous health and pension benefits
just take a little nick in the take home
[Dream state]
[Dolores cutting up a pay cheque]
Vica, Federal, State, Medicare, Vision, Dental, Mental and Indian Casino
tax. Who knows what that's about.
[Dolores hand her a small piece of the cheque]
[finished dream]
DOLORES: Most people don't even qualify for health benefits
GEORGE (VO) Some how having no money didn't sound like a health benefit
GEORGE: Lucky me!
[At Der Waffle, toast pops up Mason, Rube, George and Daisy sitting down to
breakfast]
Casey: Johnny Vegas omelette rare, Jane's addiction, home fries burnt,
gooseberry flapjack, side of sausage and toast.
RUBE: You working on empty today? They've really perfected the Johnny Vegas
GEORGE: I have no money (pause) Does anyone care?
RUBE: About what?
MASON: Oh I do darlin', have a sausage patty
[Roxy comes in holding four balloons]
ROXY: Good Morning. One for you (gives to George) one for you (gives to
Rube)
One for each of you. A chatch full of helium and love (sits down)
GEORGE: What's the occasion?
DAISY: I'm guessing she had sex with a carnie
ROXY: Why do I need to have an occasion to spread the love
MASON: Because you are an ornary bitch and you eat puppy dogs for breakfast
ROXY: Oh Stop, I'm just in a good mood. How is everyone this fine morning?
MASON: She has got the grin of a lady on Vicadin (whispers to Roxy) I have
got an A blinking in my pocket, if you have got some spare
ROXY: (snorts) This is not about drugs or sex (looks at Daisy) I just feel
giving. Is it too early for a souvlaki?
GEORGE: How would you like to buy a dead girl breakfast?
ROXY: Sure babe, anything you want. No post it for me?
RUBE: You have the next two days off
DAISY: Why does she get the next two days off
MASON: Why does she get two days off?
ROXY: I'm okay Rube
RUBE: Daisy will take over for you
DAISY: Take over for her! No and no means no. Powerful isn't it. I learnt it
doing a PSA about date rape
RUBE: I'm your boss and you'll do as I say. Equally powerful, isn't it?
DAISY: Look it's nothing short of obscene to think that I Daisy Adair, am
going to do double time for a woman that wears that dreadful little hat and
orthopaedic shoes. A Trip to the point grey club does soften the blow
RUBE: Rox, talk to you later?
(Roxy nods)
GEORGE: Do I still get breakfast?
Transition
At the club Daisy walks up to the Maitre D' by the door
MAITRE D': Can I help you?
DAISY: Yes, I believe that my party may already be seated
[Shows the post it
M. K. Hourihan
Point Grey Club
47 Faith Ave.
E.T.D 1:12PM]
MAITRE D': And which party would that be Miss
DAISY: Hourihan
MAITRE D': Which one Mr. or Mrs?
DAISY: Which ever one is here
MAITRE D': Yes Mr Hourihan dines at the Boston club on Tuesdays but his
mother she's just over there
DAISY: Many thanks
[Daisy goes straight to the table where Mrs. Hourihan and three friends are
sitting]
MRS. HOURIHAN: (to her friends) We'll have that dessert now, I think
DAISY:
[To the other friend sitting next to MK]
I'm so sorry to interrupt that scarf is absolutely beautiful, where did you
get it, if you don't mind me asking
JOYCE: It was a gift. My husband bought it for me in San Francisco
DAISY: So flattering
MARY KATE: As are you. What's your name dear?
DAISY: Daisy Adair
JOYCE: Do we know any Adaires?
MARY KATE: Shaun Adaire but I don't think you are related to him you're much
too fresh and lovely and he is a little oily. Lebanese, I think, anyway. Ah,
Where were you raised?
DAISY: I am one of the Greenwich Adaires
JOYCE: Greenwich, Connecticut
DAISY: Is there any other?
[all laugh]
JOYCE: I'm Joyce, and this is Sylvia,
(Sylvia says Hello) Jane and Mary-Kate
DAISY: So nice to meet you all
[Dessert trolley pulls up to their table and they gasp with excitement]
JOYCE: Bananas Forsters, my favourite
MARY KATE: Joyce is turning 30, for the 31st year in a row
JOYCE: Are you married Daisy? I have a son
DAISY: I'm single but in not really in the market (coughs delicately)
MARY KATE: Are you a lesbian? Sylvia has a daughter
[graveling comes out from under the dessert trolley as the dessert is lit]
MARY KATE: Oh how exiting
[Sylvia starts to choke]
JOYCE: That dessert is so evil, that's eight thousand calories a bite
MARY KATE: Oh Please, it's not as if it's going to kill you
DAISY: I believe that your friend is choking on a sugar cookie
MARY KATE: Oh my
[Joyce stands up to help, Daisy puts her hand on Mary Kate's back to take
her soul
Waiter does the Heimlich Manoeuvre on Sylvia
The cookie comes out and splats Mary Kate, who falls back onto the flaming
dessert and sets fire to her, everyone else is shocked and horrified
Joyce throws a cup of liquid over Mary Kate and is alighted again]
JOYCE: (dead-pan) Mary Kate's on fire
SYLVIA: awww, my coffee was Irish
[see charred clothing of Mary Kate and Mary Kate stepping over herself]
MARY KATE: I was supposed to pick up that lunch cheque
DAISY: Oh don't worry the restaurant was kind enough to pick up the tab, now
I don't want to hurry you but there is a limousine outside waiting for you
and I do have quite a to-do list
MARY KATE: A limousine to take me where?
DAISY: To your destination
MARY KATE: Which is where?
DAISY: I'm not privy to that information
MARY KATE: Oh you're just useless. Tell your driver to go on without me, I'm
not ready and take care Daisy
DAISY: Oh Where do you think you are going?
MARY KATE: To my son's office. I have business to attend to and I'm guessing
that you're limo won't take me there. Now you be a dear and tip the bus boy
- you know the one who tried to put me out
[walks to the Limo, daisy looks incredulous and walks after her]
Transition to George in the office
GEORGE(VO) It's time to seek out personal careers advice although collating
was another dream realised, I was advised to never settle
[On the internet, looking for a better job]
It seemed my choices were limited to coal mining or hand washing J-Lo's
undies so I'm thinking how bad can West Virginia be
DAISY: Oh Georgia Oh Georgia
GEORGE: Oh Please god no
DAISY: Oh Georgia, honey come out come out wherever you are. Georgia
GEORGE (VO) It's like times like these I wish that reapers had some sort of
superpower you know like I could fly or disappear or .......
DAISY: Oh Georgia
GEORGE(VO) paralyse someone's vocal cords
GEORGE: Fucking Daisy
[Daisy sees Crystal and asks] I'm looking for a girl so yay big, brown eyes,
pretty, angry, pretty angry actually Oh That's her, so nice visiting with
you
GEORGE: Quiet. Why are you here? You can't be here. I don't want you here
DAISY: (stern voice) Georgia, Mary Kate,Mary Kate, Georgia
MARY KATE: look at this horrible place. Is it some kind sweat shop.
DAISY: Would you be a turtle dove and explore over there while I have a
little tête a tête with my friend
MARY KATE: You do that
GEORGE: What do you want?
DAISY: I've come bearing gifts
GEORGE: I'm busy
DAISY: She's rich, which makes her son rich which could make us rich, but I
need your help
GEORGE: Why would I want to help you anyway?
DAISY: Well there's the kindness of your heart and the risk of repeating
myself, Lots of money
GEORGE: How much money?
DAISY: Oodles, do you know how many zeros there are in oodles? Are you
getting this, do I need to draw you a treasure map?
GEORGE(VO) A girl's got needs you know , even a dead girl, especially a dead
girl
GEORGE: What do I have to do?
DAISY: Well first you'll need to take a few days off work
GEORGE: Today?
DAISY: No no no don't be silly erm how's about week next Tuesday, are you
free? yes of course today, don't you see im playing urgency
GEORGE: I'm gonna have to pass, I don't think reapers are supposed to use
ghosts to get money. I should stay here and collate
DAISY: Collate. Goddam it Georgia. Show some ambition that's what separates
us from the animals you know it's not the disposable thumb. Animals don't
like money, we do (George looks puzzled)
Transition Roxy making a ticket, man runs out of the house
MAN: Miss, Miss hold on, I'm coming for the love of Jiminy Cricket, why
can't you ever give me a break?
ROXY: You're taking it personally sir it's not personal
MAN: How about you personally tear up the that thing
ROXY: I already wrote it already, it's done. What's done is done
MAN: I was just going to move it
ROXY: You were not gonna move it, I know this vehicle, I see this vehicle
every day you were just hoping that you weren't gonna get a ticket today,
but you are, getting a ticket
MAN: Well maybe today is different, maybe today you tear up that ticket
ROXY: Maybe today is different (Roxy tears up the ticket and throws it in
the air) Have a nice day
MAN: Thank you so much I am sure there will be some karmic reward down the
line
ROXY: I doubt it. And you are welcome
Transition
Happy time worker cleaning the window fast time to Dolores's desk where she
is knitting. George comes over, she clears her throat
DOLORES: Oh err hello guess I went on a little mind vacation
GEORGE: Someone have a baby?
DOLORES: I don't know maybe, bootees are the only thing I know how to knit.
Oh my, have you been crying?
(Georgia and Daisy in the bathroom with George's head under the tap to wet
her face, smudge her mascara to make it look as if she had been crying)
GEORGE: My aunt Ruth died
DOLORES: Awwww Milly
GEORGE: I'm going to have to take some time off for the funeral. Five days
ought to do it
GEORGE (VO) One small perk of two days of mind-numbing collating the policy
manual was knowing the policy on bereavement
DOLORES: You're entitled to five bereavement days if it is a parent,
grandparent or sibling. You said it was your aunt?
GEORGE: Well she practically raised me. I loved her like a sister or a
mother or a grandmother
DOLORES: Even so the death of an aunt or uncle only entitles you to three
bereavement days
George (VO) I can't believe I fucked that up
GEORGE: But I........the funeral is out of town and with travel and all it
hardly seems like I'll be able to spend quality mourning time with my family
(Dolores makes a small nasal noise and beckons George to come closer - looks
around furtively)
DOLORES: What if we say it was you grandmother who died
GEORGE: (Whispers) Dolores, can we do that?
(gestures so-so)
GEORGE: I don't want to abuse the rules here
DOLORES: Don't look now but your grandmother just bought it
GEORGE: Thank you
(walks away with the slip of paper)
George (VO) And so there it was I not only did I have to mourn the death of
my Aunt Ruth but my precious collating job too It was almost too much for
one person to bear
Transition
Mason opening the door to Daisy, Mary Kate and Georgia
Introduces Mary Kate to Mason
DAISY: Mary Kate, Mason, Mason, Mary Kate
MASON: Hello, please come in err (coughs) so how is the whole dead thing
working out for you?
MARY KATE: The afterlife builders have a few more amenities then I have seen
thus far I was thinking something Rive gauche a little less working class
MASON: I believe the perks kick in after you walk into the light
DAISY: there's no need to rush things is there, you'll be over there soon
enough
MARY KATE: Is this a slum?
DAISY: Suburbs
MARY KATE: Oh well same thing. Now get me my son
DAISY: Mary Kate I have explained this to you, you can't just waltz up to
the living and start chatting
MARY KATE: Oh I'll call him myself (tries to pick up the telephone)
DAISY: They cannot see or hear you there's a proper way that the dead can
communicate with the living I have done this many many times you just have
to trust me
MARY KATE: Oh
DAISY: I'm gonna need you to move out for a few days
MASON: you expect me to move out of my own house
DAISY: Yeah, right away I don't know how long I'll have her
Mason: How will I be compensated
DAISY: How would you like to be compensated?
MASON: 50% of the takings and 100% of your clothes off
DAISY: 10% and a hand shake
MASON: 25% and a quick grope
MARY KATE: Stay strong soldier
DAISY: 15% and I'll let you see them for five seconds
MASON: Done (shakes hands)
DAISY: 5.4.3.2.1 (walks off)
MASON: That was so worth it
Transition to Mary Kate's funeral. People talking quietly
JOYCE: What did you think of her obit?
SYLVIA: The photo was a bit pretty
FRIEND 3: What was she 12?
SYLVIA: Oh
MATTHEW: It was mother's debutante photo, she was 19 and she was beautiful
JOYCE: I think she is prettier today, look at her eyelashes, her skin. I
love that shade of red on her lips
SYLVIA: I'd like that guy to do my make up
JOYCE: A lot of people in this room would like to do your make up
[camera pans round to the door]
MARY KATE: I expected a bigger crowd, a better crowd oh for god's sakes
there's my dry cleaner
(Enter George and Daisy)
DAISY: So here's the deal you are a Davenport, your mother's first cousin, a
Lindsay, was married a Buckingham who's the nephew of the dearly departed
Mary Kate Hourihan
GEORGE: Which makes me?
DAISY: Very sad. Now go when the greetings is good
GEORGE: Which one is her son?
DAISY: Matthew Hourihan. Honey. (Points to him) Wait come here
(slaps her)
GEORGE: Owwww. okay now that hurt
DAISY: Okay, great now you look hurt. Now go
[Goes up to him]
GEORGE: Matthew? I'm so sorry I can't believe that she was so (falters)
Unique
MATTHEW: Hi.
GEORGE: I'm Milly Davenport, I'm a Davenport
MATTHEW: So that makes us umm second cousins
GEORGE: I believe it does. Poor Mary Kate, she'll be missed
MATTHEW: I'm sorry I'm very upset and it's been a sea of faces
GEORGE: There is something I have to tell you Matthew
(gets paper out) I wrote it down because she insisted I write it down. The
Englanders trust documents held by Hertzfeld Associates are not most recent.
look in the bottom drawer in the curial cabinet upstairs
MATTHEW: Who told you that?
GEORGE: Err Mary Kate. You know, your mother
MATTHEW: When ?
GEORGE: Last night
MATTHEW: I'm sorry (starts stammering) What!
GEORGE: I was at a séance last night and I was having a conversation with my
mother which wasn't going well, as usual and your mother unexpectedly joined
in and asked me to tell you that. and don't ask me to repeat all that
because it's all Greek to me (laughs nervously). errmm ...I'm glad to and
take care
MATTHEW : (runs after her) Hold on
[Mary Kate walks in to the room to look over her body]
MARY KATE: Ohh, what a pretty woman I was. Very nice.
Transition
Mason's place
DAISY: Our beloved Mary Kate, we ask you to commune with us and sit with us
[MK sits, A door squeaks open. Fast tracks to the back room]
GEORGE: what you doing?
MASON: I'm making authentic scary noises with this
GEORGE: This isn't a seventh grade sleep over party
MASON: Look. Go [goes to fridge and picks up an electric fan] Plug that in
GEORGE: What's next we make holes in sheets and walk around the room moaning
MASON: Just go plug it in
DAISY: I summon you spirit of Mary Kate Hourihan. Fly to us, fly net
[curtains fly up] I believe someone has joined us
MATTHEW: My mother?
DAISY: I don't know. I feel a very powerful presence, but we must be sure.
Mary Kate? If you are with us please give us a sign
[MK exasperated waves her hands and a lamp falls over breaking the bulb]
MARY KATE: Oh please enough with the theatrics
DAISY: Mary Kate is very anxious to talk to you Matthew
MATTHEW: How do I know for sure that she's really here?
MARY KATE: Because you are clutching my monogrammed handkerchief which you
obviously stole from my bedside draw. Holding it like a two year old with
his blankie
DAISY: That handkerchief is from her night stand. It touches her heart that
you are holding it
MATTHEW: [starts weeping] I miss you so much
MARY KATE: Little dipshit. He wet his bed till he was seven
DAISY: She said she misses you very much too
Transition
Der Waffle Haus Roxy is sitting down filing her nails as Rube walks in to
come and sit with her
RUBE: Where were you this afternoon?
ROXIE: Handing out parking tickets, that's what I do you know
RUBE: I didn't see you on the street. supervisor said you knocked off early,
you called in sick
ROXIE: Ohh playing a little hookie today. Just chillin' you know, some
shopping. I have a to do list too, you know. Should have gotten the French
tips
RUBE: What do you think you're doing
ROXIE: I'm doing my nails. Then im going to drive out to Wal-Mart as they
are having a sale on bundt cake pans, I do love a delicious bundt cake. I'll
make you one if you like
[carries on painting her nails]
RUBE: Careful there sweetheart. A thousand housewives have tried and failed
this shtick
ROXIE: What Shtick is that?
RUBE: Smiling, keeping busy, trying to bullshit their way out of an
existential crisis
ROXIE: I'm not having a crisis Rube
RUBE: Hummp. You're mourning. It's all over you
ROXIE: What do you want me to do go to church? wear all black? say fucking
rosary?
RUBE: Acknowledge your grief
ROXIE: Everybody grieves in a different way Rube. I ain't gotta tell you
that
RUBE: yours reeks of avoidance
ROXIE: I cant change anything in the past. I don't know why we have to keep
going over it
RUBE: Well I'll be ready for you when you are ready
ROXIE: Fucked up my manicure
RUBE: I'm sorry
ROXIE: I'll still make you that bundt cake. 11 okay
RUBE: I'll be home tonight
[walk off]
Transition
Mason's place
[Matthew crying]
MARY KATE: Just look at the little milksop. He's just too weak to stand up
to the board He'll never be able to run the company without me
DAISY: She says she wants you to take over the board of directors
[scene change]
GEORGE: we could get into big trouble for this. We could get transferred to
a really awful place you know. I'm serious Mason. This thing seems really
stupid we could get screwed big time
MASON: Yeah but we could get very rich, big time
GEORGE: Okay. Cool
TRANSITION
MARY KATE: Now make sure he gets this part. William Garrett is his enemy. At
the next board meeting William Garratt will call for a vote for a
buy back of all outstanding chairs. Go on tell him
DAISY: At the next board meeting this fellow Garratt
[Daisy starts screaming]
MATTHEW: What is it? What happened?
DAISY: I can't continue. It's too dangerous
MATTHEW: What's too danger..... Am I in danger?
DAISY: No. Me If I channel the dead for too long I might die myself. Some
spirits are especially draining
[at the same time]
Matthew: I am not finished
MARY KATE: I am not finished. Tell him about Garratt
DAISY: I'm sorry Matthew but she's gone
MARY KATE: You're fucking with the wrong ghost, my little friend
MATTHEW: Get her back. I need to continue. Look here's the two thousand you
asked for
[Change - Listening behind the door]
MASON: We are so rich
GEORGE: She's gonna take his money
DAISY: I can't take your money
MASON: [Bangs on the door] She's fucking it up
MATTHEW: Mother?
DAISY: No this house is full of spirits. It's an occupational hazard. I
can't take your money
MATTHEW: look, I'll pay you ten thousand
[behind the door]
MASON: We are rich
DAISY: I don't think you realise the risk this could pose for me
MATTHEW: Twenty thousand
DAISY: Perhaps you have some idea. Come back tomorrow night. I'll bring Mary
Kate if it's the last thing I do
MATTHEW: Thank you. Thank you
MARY KATE: You really don't think that I will stand idly by while you
swindle my son out of twenty thousand dollars. Send for my lights
DAISY: You can leave at any time that you like Mary Kate but leave now and
the battle for your family business might not go well this William
Garratt sounds like a bad hat and call me crazy but isn't saving the
company for your son worth a measly 20 grand. you're richer than god,
I'm guessing. I mean I've no inside information
[Opens the door where Mason and George are leaning against]
DAISY: What's with the parlour tricks asshole?
MASON: You just gave up two grand
GEORGE: Don't look at me he's the one that came up with the lame ghost shit
DAISY: Mason I'm going to make this perfectly simple so you are able to
understand
[Daisy walks up to Mason] We have the ghost. you only need parlour trick
when you cant talk to the dead you dumb fucking limey
MASON: Did did did you see his face when that lamp fell? That sealed the
deal
DAISY: Don't you fuck this up
MASON: huuu don't you fuck this up
GEORGE (VO) with our séance business unfinished I was stuck with the task of
babysitting
[Transition
Yacht with big sails goes across the water. George and Mary Kate sitting in
a bench]
MARY KATE: I sailed my whole life, had my first boat when I was eight oh I
just loved being out there I wish I'd been buried at sea
GEORGE: Couldn't you've put that in your will. Ask someone to do it for you
MARY KATE: Could, shoulda. Didn't. We kept a boat at St. Barts. Do you know
St. Barts?
GEORGE: I suppose that's an Island
MARY KATE: It is. It is it's a little jewel in the French West Indies and
when the planes would use this tiny tiny runway that would end right by the
water ah terrifying every time we flew in I'd thought that we were all gonna
die, but we never did
(VO) but of course she did die. Mary Kate would never take another vacation
to St. Barts and I'd never see it at all
GEORGE: Do they speak French there?
MARY KATE: Ah mais oui, on parlaiz se francais la ba except for the stupid
Americans who couldn't be bothered
GEORGE: Yeah
MARY KATE: Do you know how to sail?
GEORGE: No
MARY KATE: Well you should learn. You'd look good on a sail boat
Transition At Der Waffle Haus. Rube Daisy and Mason are sitting down
RUBE: Two guys walk into a bar
DAISY: What type of bar?
RUBE: Does it matter? two guys walk into a bar
DAISY: Of course it matters these Strasburg preachers teach specifics
RUBE: so the bartender says
MASON: I'd like to know what kind of bar too
RUBE: Realise that the bar is not important, right. It's where the joke
takes place. What's important is the escalation, building up to a surprising
revelation, resulting in some kind of hilarity. Which you are depriving
yourselves of with these mindless interruptions
DAISY: Fine be funny
RUBE: Thank you. Two guys walk into a bar
DAISY: (whispers) It's short-sighted
RUBE: What's short-sighted?
DAISY: Nothing. just some girl im interested in. Two guys walk into a bar
and...
RUBE: They get a drink. The end. For you and you (gives post it to Mason )
Where's your roommate?
DAISY: She's fallen in love with a diplomat and is getting a fitting for her
wedding dress. Paused, Rube looking intense at Daisy) I don't know I'm her
roommate not her mother( looks more intense at her)
DAISY: I'll give it to her
RUBE: How you going to give it to her if you have no idea where she is
DAISY: Mason does. he'll give it to her so I'll give it to Mason
MASON: I do know where she is and I will give it to her right now (gets up
to go)
DAISY: I'll come with (leaves too)
Transition Roxy cutting a cake
GEORGE (VO)In grief therapy the big buzz word is closure, you know moving on
with life after a loved one dies supposedly there is a supper efficient way
to grieve and if you can nail that down fast the you can blow through all
twelve or so steps of mourning in a year but when you are mourning yourself
closure is a little more tricky
RUBE: Now that's a nice bundt cake
ROXIE: I learned it when I was a kid
GEORGE (VO) ask any dead person one death you never get over is your own
ROXIE: I thought this would be the year that I would let go
RUBE: What's it been, twenty years?
ROXIE: (she shrugs) twenty one
RUBE: Maybe it is your year
ROXIE: Why Rube why this year?
RUBE: Because life is too short and death is too long. And twenty one is a
lucky number isn't it?
(opens the box by the fire) Come on. throw something in there
ROXIE: (brings out a VHS tape) Jennifer Beals. She wore them well
RUBE: who knows where she would be without you (throws it on the fire)
(VO) being un-dead gave you a lot of time to think about your life and it's
end revisiting the hour of your passing, it's details, the injustice of it
all
Transition The year is 1982 and the scene is at a dance studio
GEORGE(VO)one thing everyone agrees on going out before you are old and
creepy is possibly the worst sinario...but when you are young and talented,
full of life and just stumbled on a million dollar idea.
Getting an early checkout sucks
DANCER: What are those fool things on your legs
ROXIE: I cut the toes out of my socks. Check it out
GIRL 2:Wow these look cool. Do you sell them?
[close up of girl looking envious]
change scene
[Roxie lying on the bed reading a Patent book, girl walks into her room]
DANCER: Still trying to re-invent the sock hu
ROXIE: And I'm getting paid like a high class hooker as well. I made 300
bucks last week
DANCER: That's nice
[door handle starts open]
GEORGE: You think you know the killers that lurk in your house. The slick
porceline of the bath tub the drain over the sink. The thing is the death
weapon is never what you think it's going to be
[pickes up a leg-warmer and strangles Roxy and takes the patent book]
It's a safe bet that you didn't invent it
Transition
ROXIE: All for a fucking legwarmer [throws them in the fire]
RUBE: Come on
GEORGE(VO)For most of us we dance around death unwittingly. One steep here
another twirl there. we get ever closer to a finale that we dont want to see
and even though we all get a final curtain we dont all get closure some of
us hang around rehashing the show, wishing we could go back and change the
numbers
Tell him to blackmail Garratt and gain control of the board. Garratt is
sleeping with his housekeeper
You can blackmail Garratt. She told me to tell you he's sleeping with his
housekeeper
MATTHEW: I'm sleeping with my housekeeper. You mean hes sleeping with her
too?
MARY KATE: not maria. He's sleeping with his own housekeeper
DAISY: Garratt is not sleeping with Maria. Who's Garratt sleeping with?
MARY KATE: Letitia
DAISY: Letitia
MARY KATE: and why are you sleeping with Maria for.. She doesn't even speak
English and she's not a good cleaner
DAISY: your mother just wants you to lead a good clean life
MARY KATE: would you stop paraphrasing me, it's infuriating. Your fired
DAISY: It's time for your mother to move on. Is there anything more you
would like to ask her?
MATTHEW: I think I'm done
MARY KATE: ah no thank you
DAISY: We thank you spirit of Mary Kate and we invite you to go. Go, fly
spirit. fly
MATTHEW: Here's the money that I promised you
[Car screaches with flashing lights of a police car pull up to the house]
DAISY: (under her breath) Mason
DETECTIVE: Daisy Adair you are under arrest
DAISY: What!
[behind the door]
MASON: What!
GEORGE: Shit!
DETECTIVE: You are charged with grand larceny and extortion
MARY KATE: And Paraphrasing
DAISY: Oh this is absurd
[Change - Mason heads out of the window]
GEORGE: Where are you going?
MASON: Getting the fuck out of here you should do the same
[George opens the door and goes through]
[Change]
MATTHEW: You fraud. Garratt put you up to this. Well you tell that son of a
bitch that Matthew Hourihan is no push-over. He can go fuck a duck if he
thinks he is going to take over the company my parents built from nothing
MARY KATE: Oh my little matthew finally grew some stones
DETECTIVE: (To Matthew) Let's get you out of here
MARY KATE: Daisy, tell him that I love him and I'm sorry we didn't let him
play hockey when he was a kid, he was a beautiful skater
DAISY: He won't believe me Mary Kate
DETECTIVE: Who you talking to?
MATTHEW: Will you give it up already
MARY KATE: Tell him Daisy. You owe me
DAISY: Your mother said she loves you and she's sorry about the hockey. She
thought you were a beautiful skater
MATTHEW: How did you.... She loved me
DETECTIVE: Let's go Mr. Hourihan
Leaves the house
DETECTIVE: Thanks for your help, much appreciated (gives him back the
money)Consider yourself lucky most people get taken to the cleaners (2 shots
are fired at him) go go get out of here
[Detective starts firing back. Matthew runs to his car and drives away.
Detective gets up and Rube comes over. Pulls the bullet from his shoulder]
DETECTIVE: That stung, 44?
RUBE: Nah 38 makes a lot of noise but it's a quicker heal
DETECTIVE: Thanks. That's considerate
RUBE: You're the one that should be getting the thanks Pete. Thanks for
taking the time. I always appreciate reapers that take the time for pitching
in.
[uniformed officers come from the house] Thanks boys
DETECTIVE: Come on Rube, we're plague division. We have nothing but time.
What I wouldn't give for some locusts right now
RUBE: I hear you buddy
[Mary Kate comes from the house and sees a big boat]
MARY KATE: I believe that is my ride. Am I going to St. Barts?
RUBE: With a short stop at Customs
MARY KATE: Merci
RUBE: De rien
[goes to her desination and waves goodbye, and Rube Acknowledges. Rube goes
back into the house where Daisy is hancuffed to the chair]
She sighs) Youre an asshole
RUBE: Your a sore loser
DAISY: I should have known you orchestrated this whole thing
RUBE: And I should have known that you would pull the same stuff as you did
in New York
DAISY: Where's my money?
RUBE: I have zero tolorence for your cons. You will not prey on the
survivors of the souls that you take. You will respect that boundary as well
and you will treat it withe the grace it deserves. Otherwise you will have
the rath that you have only read about in your plays. We clear
DAISY: Crystal
RUBE: Then you are free to go[walks off]
DAISY: The key?
RUBE: Oh don't worry. I'll leave it up here [puts it on the top of a
dresser]
DAISY: How the fuck am I going to get that?
RUBE: I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out. You are the Amazing
Daisy[Walks out of the room]
DAISY: (sarcastic laugh) fuck me
Tranisition At Happy time coffee room
GEORGE:(VO)I had excaped the rath of Rube, but I did have to pay a price.
Entertaining Mary Kate did have it's costs
DOLORES: There you are. I knitted you a little gift
GEORGE: Thanks A baby hat?
DOLORES: No silly. It's a pencil sharpener cosee and that is the Chinese
symbol for prosperity
GEORGE: That's so sweet Dolores. I would really use one of those
DOLORES: How was the funeral?
GEORGE: Ohhhhh gooood. It's sad. It feels good to be home
DOLORES: It's good to have you home. I need you to get back on the collating
job, work all night if you have to
[George goes into her collating room]
GEORGE (VO) So we continue to muddle through our unfinished business try and
find ways to check things off our to-do list but in that strange quest to
get though all our list we try to resit the urge to focus just on the past.
[Roxie is handing out a ticket, a driver passes with his car stereo
blasting music]
ROXIE: Nobody bothers to respect the meter any more
(VO)to say that I'll never do this, I'll never do that. Or never go to St.
Barts.
I'll never ....
Roxie starts dancing in the street
Transition
[Water rushing past. George is on a boat]
GEORGE(VO) But sometime we get closure by giving death the finger by finding
the little ways that say I will, I can
End credits
